Maybe if they showed more real life documentaries like this, we could make better end-life decisions. It’s not the soft pastel perfectly healthy other-than-the-fact-they’re-dying romantic crying and letting go, that we see in the movies. The body makes horrific changes as illness moves in and takes residence. And the entire family has to put their lives on hold as they wait and wonder. The last lady was laying in the hospital suspended between worlds for a year. The people who insisted she be placed on a vent…were they in the last scene? She was alone. Like a petunia in the garden that is only visited once or twice to make sure it’s still alive. Before this documentary, I was like, “Plug me into the cigarette lighter if you have to! Don’t let me die!” Now I’m more like, “Shoot! You guys are going to live your lives whether I’m hooked to tubes or underground! (people have to live! You can’t blame them!) So unhook me from the wall and hook me up to Jesus!” If I can’t be an improving patient, I don’t want to be a petunia. So pluck me, stick me in a vase to get my last sip of water, then toss my dried up leaves back in the garden and move on.
My dad had lung cancer, refused any treatment and worked the day before he went into a coma. He died peacefully 2 days later. At the time I was upset that he didn’t get treatment so I could have him a little longer. With the wisdom of age, now I know he did the right thing for himself and he kept his family from witnessing a long, torturous decline. I love you daddy and I miss you every day.
Ur father didn't had a surgery? Therapy? How he lived until death? I can understand my grandfather died from stomach and intestines cancer. Doctors said it's like rotten flash. But still alive he's lucky. A doctor said he will live for 2 or 3 months. They gave him therapy but still his condition wasn't change for a second. Still remember the day 3 weeks later in hospital he said when I'll cure I'll go home and plant the strawberry seeds. Even doctor told us he won't live still he had the hope. But the day few hours ago before he died he said I don't want to live like this I'll rather than die. And he really died
@@ivettesantana4319 but if there's a treatment u should take it. There's many disease and also there treatment for it. But I can't trust most doctor's because now everyone wants money.
My father was an MD. He was diagnosed with leukemia at 51 YO. He passed away when I was 22 YO. He ALWAYS believed that your QUALITY of life matters more than your QUANTITY of life. It was HORRIBLE when he went thru chemo! It’s been almost 30 years since he’s been gone, but everyday I think about him. ❤️
Sorry for your loss! I lost my dad unexpectedly 2 summers ago. Was worst thing that ever happened in to me and had some pretty bad things happened in life but loosing my father was the worst. So I feel for you as we only have one parent and never get another one. Take care!
@@steelinyt5516 I had a hip infection. Thought was arthritis acting up. Was put into a medical coma for 5 weeks. My body started to fail. I was given 72hrs. Been in recovery since. I'm 52 now. I realize I'll never be 100 percent. So happy to be here and semi healthy. I'm working toward school. I want to help people stuck in addiction. I'm a recovering alcoholic and addict of 11 years. My 52nd year celebration was relaxed.
I’m 70. I had one debilitating illness at age 63. I was bedridden for two years and was as helpless as a newborn. I couldn’t walk or talk or make a sandwich or bathe myself. Six years after the fact, I’m still not all the way back. I may never be. So, if I’m that ill again, I don’t want to survive. I am a DNR. I won’t be put on “life support” ever. Coming back from that kind of catastrophic illness is the definition of suffering. I’m 70. I’ve had a good life. I’m satisfied. Let me go.
I’ve been a RN since 1996. I’ve seen so much death. I respect families that put their wishes aside and abide by their loved ones wishes. My dad said “ I want to die at home at the beach”. He had Congestive heart failure. He came home. I put on his favorite music-opera. Everyone visited. On day 3 he slipped into unconsciousness and died after saying goodbye to ALL his family. It was so peaceful and beautiful.
I'm in Hospice, and it's been absolutely an amazing experience. I'm at home, while I'm deteorating - I live everyday. We know our bodies, and Death - that's the easy part.. Live your best life, stay comfortable, and God Bless You All ❤❤❤
We must shed the flesh to be with God. Know that you are never alone. I will pray that your time is good and you continue to be at peace. It is in dying that we are born into eternal life.
My daughter, at the age of 8yrs. old, had Bacterial Meningitis. Her Dr.( pediatrician) told me to " prepare myself, and being in the healthcare myself, I knew what he meant. I never left her side. She was in a coma for 3 days, and came put of the coma. 10 days later she had made a full recovery. Today, she is a healthy 46 yr. mom, and also in Healthcare. I still believe in miracles.
Miracles CAN happen, and your daughter was one of them! Meningitis is a dangerous infection, but today, we have newer antibiotics and MAB's that may help and the future can still be rosy for many patients, even with a deadly brain infection.
Mezzz, do these patients seem to be enjoying themselves? How would you feel if that was you in that bed? Would you want that to go on for potentially years?
To all the nurses, interns, housestaff, and medical assistants, thank you for all the tireless work you do, which often goes unrecognized. While the MD/DO is the captain of the ship, you folks are the steam that powers the ship. From a patient's family member, I am in awe of the work you all do.
Scott, thank you for your kind words. I have been an RN working 12 hr night mostly weekends for nearly all of my career. I have worked in adult EENT medical/surgical oncology, medical oncology, adult ICU (medical/surgical, neuro, coronary care, and open heart units) and for the last 16 years in the teleCritical Care arena. To you and the thousands I have cared for including families and friends of patients, you are most welcome. I am glad I could spend my time caring for you. Muhammad Fauzan Karim, RN, AASD, MSN, CV-BC, CCRN-E
It is my job as cleaning staff/ kitchen staff in the hospital I work in to keep them comfortable. If a patient wants an egg I will run out and boil them an egg. Anything when they are dying. I see so many COPD patients and I get so attached rhat it hurts when they pass. It just makes me want to help them be even more comfortable. Everyone should die with dignity.
There were 3 things mama wanted: Cook in her kitchen, work in her garden, go to her church. If that wasn't possible, life was fruitless. DO NOT intubate, ventilate, oxygenate, resuscitate, or hydrate was how she set things up, what she wanted, but left final decision to me and not doctors. In hospice she said that I needed to get myself together and that nobody comes here to stay. I miss that lady, my mama. She taught me how to live and how to die.
Same for my mom. She has bilateral ulcerated breast cancer. We have had her in hospice for over a year. We have slowly watched her do the things she loves with the people she loves.
@@ikawba00absolutely nothing wrong with being old fashioned and traditional. You’re saying it like those are bad things when in fact they are the things that have allowed us to exist.
Your mom was smart. That she said "nobody comes here to stay" is absolutely correct. We all live and die, it's merely a question of how and when. I can't think of ANY reason why I would want to extend life if I have a terminal disease, if I know that is what is ahead, then hurry it up and get it over with is my thought, and a thought I have heard dying patients often express. But not all people think alike, and losing a loved one is very difficult. None of us lives forever, but it is amazing how NO ONE wants to talk about death. Most humans won't even say the word "died" -- its s/he "passed away" or today, they just say "s/he passed!" When someone first said that to me, I wondered what they passed -- a truck on the freeway or what?! In the medical field, we usually say s/he's "gone." But that's when they are taking their last breaths and death is finally confirmed to those present in the room. ("Gone" is the same terminology my veterinarian used when putting my precious pets to sleep -- it's appropriate!) Some people who are dying, often are far more concerned about how their family is going to grieve and handle the loss, more concerned about that then for themselves! As you age, you become aware of your age, what the "average lifespan" is, and you start to become aware of "how much time do I have left!" No one knows, no one can say how long before someone dies because some people fight to hang on, others seem resolved and seem to accept it and die peacefully. I just don't want MY death to be long and drawn out or be painful! I hope when that time comes, I can handle it gracefully, however I will decide, whether it is MAID (medical assistance in dying -- where it's legal) or a natural chain of events that will occur. There ARE signs, the body changes some as death becomes imminent -- skin color changes, sometime it appears mottled, other times it looks bluish; breathing changes, it may become shallower with a deep breath once in a while, or it can be Cheyne Stokes breathing, which is common at the end, it is progressively deeper breaths, and sometimes faster, breathing followed by a gradual decrease that results in a temporary stop in breathing called apnea. The pattern repeats, with each cycle usually taking 30 seconds to 2 minutes, before it stops altogether. They may be unable to swallow their saliva which can pool in the throat and produce a "death rattle" so we suction it to be more comfortable for the patient and everyone present and to prevent them aspirating it (breathing saliva down into their lungs) which we do NOT want. No one knows exactly "how long" someone has before they die. It's only a best guess! There are pain medications and anti-anxiety medications that are often given to the terminal patient to ease their transition from life to death. Those meds are usually given with far more lenience in a hospice care facility than the hospital. Hospice care is a blessing for patients at the end of their life. Hospice personnel KNOW how to deal with death, they are kind and understanding to BOTH the patient and the family. And if the person wishes to die at home, hospice can help with that also!
I am a trauma nurse and I implore everyone watching this video to have these conversations with your families and health care providers NOW! Have paperwork detailing your medical wishes in case of a catastrophic illness or injury in place. And families, please honor their wishes! It broke my heart to see the woman’s daughter, who is an M.D. override her sister who seems to be a pretty knowledgeable R.N. and insist on giving her elderly mother with end stage dementia a painful tracheotomy, to which she will now be ventilator-dependent for the rest of her life. What kind of quality of life is that? And I get it…it is gut wrenching to be put into the position to have to make these life or death decisions for your spouse, or parent, or sibling. But first do no harm. Have the talks NOW and HONOR their wishes.
Totally agree. The sister who was an MD could not put her emotions aside. She kept weeping while her sister sang beautiful songs to the mother. It’s as if the MD had unfinished business with mom are needed some closure or something.
Oh my lord the the daughters who intubated their mother with Alzheimer’s. Who does that?!?? What absolute torture. Release her. My god. I worked with Alzheimer’s patients for 23 years…. Give her a good death. Not a torturous one. Horrible people that are putting their own selfish feelings over their own mothers suffering.
It also broke my heart. I'm an aspiring medical student, but I know by heart quality of life matters more than anything. Seeing a lovely grandma wasting away on a ventilator is so sad. I support the RN's decision to let their mama go, regardless of how much they love them. I always say that if something happens to me and my family has to decide whether to let me go or seek medical interventions that will hold me captive and milk them of every penny, I'm better off gone. That way everyone is set free. woiiieeee Grandma!!
I went through this with my mom around 3 years ago. No one can stop death. Now for me to be there with my mom taking her last breath. Meant the world to me. I feel so blessed to gotten that opportunity. It's all a part of life.
I held my mother in my arms, as she had held me for so many years earlier, as she died. The abruptness and finality of losing my lifeline, my Momma, changed me forevermore. I never leave a beloved for a minute, an hour, days or any time, without saying, "I love you." I, too, appreciate the experience of being her last, her nearest one.
I wached my father suffer unbelievable conditions because my family couldn't let him pass. I applaud the nurses who help with a person on their journey home.
I am an oncology nurse but sometimes I float to our hospice unit to pick up extra shifts. Hospice is such a better place for someone near the end of their life to be. No alarms going off, no invasive tubes and lines. It is quiet, pleasant, dignified. The medication station is filled with comfort-care medications that make the dying process easier. There are family suites attached to each room so that the family can stay overnight with the patient in a comfortable and spacious setting, and enjoy spending precious moments near the end. It is a better place to die than the ICU by many orders of magnitude.
I completely agree and I am not in the medical community at all. Far better to go gently and in no pain than be hooked to all these machines and kept alive artificially for long periods of time. I was horrified watching what these people went thru and the family members just keeping them alive to no purpose. This is not what I want and if I do get something horrible, I don't think I will even accept any treatment at all. I am 62 with no spouse and no children so there is nothing keeping me here and I'd much prefer to go painlessly and without any suffering. I am also a born-again Christian so being with my Lord is far better than this earth anyway. So it's not a difficult decision for me to make. God love all these people who have suffered so much.
@@TheYoli182. Damn right it probably hurts a lot - depending on how ya go. The deaths of my loved ones that I have personally witnessed were anything but easy and peaceful - even despite hospice care. Dying can be extremely distressful for the patient.
I am 68 and I would NOT want to be put on machines. If it's my time to die, then let me go. I know my kids may have a problem making that decision, so I have made it for them. That's not a life.
I know I'm gonna have to fight my siblings when my parents are ready to go. My parents don't want to be forced to stay alive, and I would never make them. But I know my sister and brother might have trouble. Love comes in many forms /:
My precious Mama died peacefully at age 97. Healthy her whole life and went down quickly, her heart just gave out. We were able to keep her at home with the help of Hospice. She slipped away peacefully with me and my brother at her side. Thank God we knew and abided by her wishes. Five years now and i miss her everyday. I love you Mama...❤❤❤
My mother died in November 2022 . She was very ill and did not want to live like that. As hard as it was my brother and I knew her wishes. She wasn't afraid to die she told me this many times. She just didn't want to hurt anymore. We honored our mother and stopped trying to extend her time. They are right there are more things that are worse than death. I miss my mother so much and at the same time so grateful that she isn't here in pain anymore.
I will be 70 this year. I’m finally understanding that I won’t be on earth forever. My eventual dying causes me to think about the people that I have disappointed and hurt. And the people who did the same to me. I forgive all who have hurt me in any way. I ask forgiveness as well. It’s good to be prepared
I will also be 70 on my next birthday. I can't hardly believe that I am actually that Old!😐 But I've started suffering these past few years with ALL the symptoms of ageing! Bad artherits in my knees and lower spine. Developed AFib almost 5 years ago. I Hate the deteration of our bodies as we continue to AGE!!😨
After watching this I'm so grateful both my parents went naturally, and quickly. My dad at 87, heart attack in his sleep, after 30+ years of a happy life after this 1st one. Mom knew about her 2 aneurysms (thoracic and abd) for a few years. She did everything right and was closely monitored by her specialist. I accompanied her those last 2 years. She wasn't afraid to ask the most difficult questions. One of those aneurysms burst one evening when I was with her. Within two hours she was gone. Talking and joking until the last half hour. That's when she drifted out. I was so grateful they didn't linger and suffer.
The day my brother was pulled off life support in the ICU there was a young kid across the room he had been in a coma for a month.. he woke up! I wished so hard my brother could have came back but knowing another family didn’t have to go threw what we did brings tears to my eyes that he could still be here with his family.. my brother was 21.. head injury freak accident.. live everyday like it’s your last cause you never know! May 24 will be 17 years since it happened.. i hope that kid that woke up that day lives the best life! RIP Troy! 🤍💙
I’m there with you having brother living with a TBI following an accident. We thank God that he’s still here, talking, calling on phone, eating. I was relieved upon him breathing following breathing machine being removed. I’m sorry that you lost your brother. Stay strong ❤
This brought back the time my wife was going downhill after she was hospitalized because of stage 4 colorectal cancer. She decided that she didn't want me to go through the trauma of her dying at home, and about a week after that discussion, she died June 18, 2018 at 8:33am at Umass Harrington. The saddest day of my life. It still affects me to this day. I feel I worked too hard and didn't do enough for her. Now am mentally broken. 😴
@@carlbernard4197 she knows everything now. She knows How hard you worked for her, she was your family and you provided and she knows how much you love her still. Be gentle with yourself. You are still deeply grieving. It takes a long time. Acceptance and forgiveness is the key to you learning to truly live again…whilst the void will always remain…until the day your souls are rejoined.
I, too, have been a nurse for over 40 years---closer to 50. Marilyn, the previous commenter, is correct there are far worse things than death. Please, let them go; whether it be to eternal sleep or to a placed reserved for them---let them have peace. Blessings
Another RN here. I quit hospital nursing in the ICU after seeing too many patients like these. Went to case management to help people get OUT of the hospital and stay out.
I worked on a vent unit here in New York. I also watched a video about care of comatose patients in Europe they had much more positive results they did lots of intense Physical Therapy for one year. Many people came around. USA needs to do this.
Its not advisable in the long run! Drs do get lazy, and a very high number of them have psychopathic personalities. If there is no incentive to try their best to save someone, a lot of people may be lost. Emotions must not come before principle.
@@madanderson9338 thank you so much. It's such an unnatural order of things...but I have my other babies I gotta live for. They're the only reason I was able to stand up again. It certainly hurts to stand but their presence alone gives me the strength to do it. Thank you for the kind words.
@@debbiecreter2005 thank you so much. Hardest thing I've ever been through. Dropped me to my knees. My other kiddos gave me the will to stand again. It hurts.. it never stops hurting but they give me love and strength and for that I'll be forever grateful. Can't wait to see my baby again though. It's gonna be the best feeling in the world to hold him again. Thank you for your kindness.
To be kept “alive,” on a respirator, an octopus with tubes everywhere, is utterly terrifying and disgusting. I believe in Death with Dignity. I’ve made sure that I signed a “Do Not Resuscitate.”
I dunno how these families could deal with this on top of their loved ones being sick , I couldn’t even think straight I hated to see the doctors come around much less camera’s filming , bless these families ❤ prayers
Thank you for being a nurse. When I was in the hospital for surgery, the nurses who cared for me are the BEST. Patients do not always consider how amazing and compassionate nurses are.
I started my Nursing career in Hopice, then Oncology, followed by Neuro/trauma/medical-surgical ICU. Now, i am a mental health RN and it gives me a new perspective in life. I'm not handling pts with poor prognosis to die but helping patients not to take their own lives. All my experiences have taught me how fragile life is and understand my Bible the more I care for the sick. I consider it a privilege to be of service to people in their vulnerable state. 🙏🏽 🤲
May God bless you in your career and life, you must be a great nurse and a delight to your patients. I've had nurses like you and I'm grateful for each one I find, it's a privilege to be taken care in a psych ward or a psych hospital by nurses like you. I've been 3 times under psych care and nurses like you change your whole perspective about the treatment and stay as a patient. Thank you for your hard work.
I hope I have the peace my mom did when she passed. She wasn’t scared at all. She was incredibly rooted in her faith, more than anyone I’ve ever known. She stayed as long as she did for my dad and I. She passed peacefully at our home. It’s been almost a year now, I miss her a lot but I’m glad she’s no longer in pain.
My father had a severe brain stem stroke at 46 yrs old. He was physically a strong man when it happened. Fast forward 15 years. He had 5 stents, 2 heart attacks, and another milder stroke. He continued to have heart problems and the doctors told him the only option left was bypass surgery. However, it took everything he had to be able to walk from the initial stroke. Even then, he looked as if had been drinking when he was mobile. The day the doctors told him he needed bypass surgery, he called me. He said, if I have that surgery, I will never be independent again. I would rather die than be bed bound for years. I was upset at the time, begged him to have the surgery as I couldn’t bare to lose him. 1 week later, he had a massive heart attack and passed away. I had a stroke last year at 56 years old. I was in the hospital for 3 months, ICU for 4 weeks, and went to rehab for 3 months. Now, I understand. And would choose the same.
My brother passed almost 2 months ago!! I never knew Cancer was so F… painful!! His last week of life was unbearable to watch someone you Love in extreme pain.Pain RX is a bandage for pain!!He has anew body in Heaven. It’s us the living who miss them so.
That poor lady who was on a ventilator, and then got a tracheotomy, I feel so sorry for her. Her family wanted to keep her alive, but clearly her quality of life is no longer there. It’s very sad that she has to linger in this world without a natural death.
Yup, on another note. My father exacerbated my sister's depression yet gets frustrated when she becomes suicidal. He's also contributed to my mom's depression and he yells at her but constantly scolds her on her health. It's like he cares about doesn't, and holds no accountability on himself.
The women singing to the mother was so beautiful it brought tears to my eyes. This popped up ironically, my dad passed 7.20.22 at 59 while on a ventilator 🥺🥺 I love you dad & miss you!
My sister was tired and she wanted to go. She was tired of doctors, hospitals , needles and taking of blood. So we respected her wishes when she said let me go ❤️
I think it’s more than that….we are all afraid of dying, it haunts us every day of our lives from the moment we understand that life can stop. People run from death as hard as they can, and when they have to suddenly confront that inevitability, it’s devastating to see. It’s the big existential issue which we avoid by eating too much, spending too much, etc etc, but avoidance makes the thought even worse. I’ve seen 7 people die of some form of cancer in my and my husbands family, 4 of them under the age of 40, so I know what I’m talking about. My brother died of bone cancer at the age of 21 and I was 17, but the first happened to my dear brother-in-law, who was diagnosed with brain cancer when I was 12. So I began confronting my fear, reading about it, talking about it, praying about it, and now that I’m 60 with a debilitating pain disorder, I’m not afraid to die, and even more than that, my husband and sons know I’m not afraid, and that makes all the difference!
Problem is, when the family is present, THEY are the ones who call the shots, the family is often asked what they want, especially when it comes to taking the patient off of a respirator, meds or having a tracheotomy. Family, naturally, does NOT want them to die, understandably, but they don't understand that a patient can be kept breathing interminably, with a ventilator or respirator. We can keep their heart beating and their blood pressure up with drugs, prolonging a natural death. But if that's what the family wishes, that will be done. This is where the patient's wishes will be priority IF they have signed a DNR order. That means "do not resuscitate" so if they stop breathing, breathing is NOT forced with a ventilator or respirator. It is understandable that family doesn't want them to die and will want everything possible to prevent, even a natural death! But the patient should let it be known what THEIR DESIRES are before the end is imminent so that what THEY wish is carried out. That is what the DNR order is about. It protects the PATIENT'S wishes and protects their choice about their own death.
@@CBeard849if google is right based on the name they show for her, the doctor daughter is an internist too. She should know, seeing the sickest and oldest people out of any doctor, that she shouldn’t put her mom through the stress of a vent😢
Many people will put their pets “to sleep” to prevent the animal from suffering, yet they will make “loved ones” suffer as they keep them on the edge of death surviving on machines and medicines.
I had a similar situation with my dog, I told her...you can go, I'll be okay😭😭she pulled through but the pain was so great that I can't fathom how it feels with a human
@@lilly243 not always. One of my nurses was a total bitch to me during my hospital stay with birthing complications. Made me feel like a total burden for being there.
I've watch my entire family pass away. I just turned 50. I'm alone and im so afraid to get close to anyone because I can't go through watching the people I loved go through pain and suffering. Sometimes I have a dreams of them and I thank GOD for the little bit of time I get to spend with them. I know I'm being selfish just thinking of my own feelings and I apologize. God give these poor people eternal painless and peaceful life in heaven.🙏❤
But this is what life is. I asked myself what my lost loved ones would want for me and I went down that path. You are fearful. This is not a Godly spirit.
Of course they’re “fearful.” That’s a *normal response.* It’s not up to you to judge whether or not someone else or their response is “godly.” Please take your twisted halo elsewhere-your comment was unnecessary and frankly, cruel.
Im all alone now too and I’m 53. Only I didn’t have to make these decisions, they were all sudden deaths. However I was an ICU nurse for 20 years and sometimes I would cry for the patients because the families made them go through so much suffering instead of letting them go palliatively.
I'm 31, and have lost a number of loved ones in traumatic ways. I struggle with the same thing you do. Very understandable for you to feel like that. I haven't figured out how to overcome it yet. Praying for the best future for you. 💜
I am a nurse who has worked in ICU, Emergency Department, Step-Down Care, pre-hospital care (EMS), and now PACU. I know with 100% certainty that I do not want to die in a hospital. Not because I won’t get good care-my practice, and the practice of every nurse I have ever known-is that if a dying patient does not have any family or friend to hold their hand as they die, to tell them that’s it ok, that they can stop fighting, and that they’ll be missed but never forgotten…I will sit with them as they die. “Nobody ever dies alone.” So certainly a dying patient is very well well cared for. The problem with dying in a hospital is that it is undignified and impersonal. You’re in a bed that will be quickly cleaned and readied for its next occupant, not your own. You’re in a hospital gown, not your favorite pajamas unless someone remembered to bring them. Your furbaby isn’t with you unless someone brought them and they are allowed in. Its ever so much better to die at home. I am the medical power of attorney for both of my parents, and they have both told me what they want and do not want at end of life. Thankfully, those wishes match up with my own, but I’d carry them out even if they didn’t. Quality of of life matters much, much, more than quantity (length) of life-and the “suspended animation” of the ICU at the end of life is not a quality existence.
I was at the hospital right by my wife's side when she took her last breath. I still remember it very well even though she crossed the rainbow 🌈 Bridge over 5 years ago 😢😢😢😢😢😢
As a Hospice nurse of 30+ years I continue to see patients arrive at the last minute when they could have had a comfortable dignified end of life experience. I don’t think it will change because no one wants to die. I’ll just keep doing the best I can with what little time us Hospice nurses have.
I know you don’t get paid enough and people out there think your job is replaceable but I hope me a random internet person can make you feel a literal better about that and remind you that your job is EXTREMELY important and you yourself are an Angel on earth for helping families and people through this. Hope u have a nice day 😊
I will never forget when my mother finally had passed away. She made it very clear she wanted to live and fight for every second of her life. It was so hard watching my mother struggling for every Breath. My Mother was Born on Jan.1st 1930 and she passed away on Jan 1st 1992. I miss her everyday ❤R.I.P. mama🙏💕
As a nurse, I'm begging families to let these loved ones go. You have no idea how you are prolonging the inevitable with unimaginable suffering. Please put emotions aside and do right by these patients 😢❤❤ My father was a DNR with a living will and a doctor with a God complex said he didn't let his patients die and brought my poor daddy back 4 times. I'm an only child who lost a mother to suicide in 2014 and I was the only one who was there for my daddy...he had a massive heart attack sitting right beside me...CPR was performed but I knew, i just knew my efforts were in vane. I have night terrors, severe anxiety disorder and PTSD from watching my daddy go through hell so please, please, please....search your soul before you let this horror happen to a loved one 😭💔😭💔💯
@@aceous99 - You have the right to end treatment independent of having a DNR. And you have the right to rescind a DNR at any time. I can't tell you how many hospice patients I've seen brought to the PICU when they were actively deteriorating.
I am so sorry. Right now I have a desperately I'll child whose suffering in the ER for 48+ hours w no brain scan prolonged his utter excruciating misery. He is still unresponsive. I don't know if the 2 surgeries performed on his brain will heal him, but I am so grateful that he is not in pain....EEGs scans show no brain activity like seizing indicating pain. I hold to this. I pray for you, stranger, that you can feel that your poor Daddy isn't suffering now. But, I can relate with just reliving the God awful suffering on a loop w all of some many other roller coaster emotions, fears and thoughts. I am also taking your advice to heart if it comes to that for my child. I have to think and act for what my son would want not what soothes me.
@@Leezl41 - I really don't have the words to adequately express how sad I feel that you, your child and your family are going through this right now. This is an unimaginable crisis that I've seen many parents experience. My hope is that you have well qualified and compassionate doctors who will keep you informed of your child's progress and allow you to participate in the planning of his/her care. And that your child recovers from this. Please remember that his/her nurses are your best advocates. Truly, I will be thinking of you.
My fiance just found out hes a match for someone with leukemia. Hes going through with the bone marrow donation for transplant and im so freaking proud of him😢
Wonderful documentary! I just turned 42 and have been battling stage 4 lung cancer for 4 1/2 years. It is extremely sad to watch all these individuals suffer 😢 I had my 3rd brain surgery earlier this year and had to select a healthcare proxy who is not my spouse because things between us is not good. I had to explain to my brother my wishes if something went awry with the surgery that I did not want to be hooked up to machines 😢 I am glad that I didn’t have any complications and I am still here.
This is why I love PBS Frontline. This was a real conversation about healthcare and how how far modern medicine can take you when your deathly ill and have decisions to make with your doctors, family and yourself. Thank you to the families for sharing their journeys!!! God bless you all.❤
I love anything and everything Frontline PBS. Their peices are exceptional and brutally honest. Plus it’s the narrator’s voice that draws you in and you become mesmerized to the sound of his voice that’s golden buttery soft and beautiful. The sound of money actually!
I'm so glad my dad made it very clear he wanted a DNR, and when his condition worsened, he was coherent enough to tell me he had enough of hospital treatments and wanted to go home. At least we had the peace of knowing his wishes, as hard as it was. 2 weeks on hospice care and he was gone. RIP, Dad.
Enduring the pain and suffering in the hope that the therapy and machines will improve their conditions and at the end, realizing that it will not, is painful for both the patients and their families. And it's good to see the doctors being genuinely honest about their prognosis. Yes it's complicated. Once again, thanks PBS.
I lost my mother at 21 to bone/brain cancer the doctor asked my sister and I what our wishes were for my mothers passing,we both knew it was time after battling for four years,there comes a time.I’m 33 now with young child and that’s where the pain lies her not knowing my children in the flesh..miss you mom RIP 2-16-59 passed away 12-10-10.
My wife’s grandmother passed away a few years ago. The entire family was there as she breathed her last breath. It is an experience I will never forget. The grief in that room was extremely intense.
My children and I went through this life experience when my husband fought very hard for his battle with Cancer. This program hits it right on the nail. 12 years has gone by since we are without him. God Bless the doctors and hospice nurses who were their to help us.
I've had to make these hard decisions three times in my life. My mother, my brother & my spouse. The hardest decision I ever made and as painful as they still are, they were the right decision. When your organs are shutting down one by one, it's time to let go. My spouse was going to transfer from Emergency to ICU. The doctor in that unit said the transfer should be to palliative care. He was right, we just had to hear the doctor say it and we had to face it.
Thank you for sharing this. Insurance companies should pay their members to help others in making these decisions, sharing this intimate, important, and valuable process with those that have been there would be a game changer, especially with how many of our family members will be both dying and making decisions for the dying moving forward.
My heart broke for that elderly dementia patient whose family said to give her a trach. Thats just cruel...and i speak from experience having had a trach myself
I remember hearing my aunt over the phone telling me how some people didn’t believe that she had stomach cancer and how she doesn’t look sick. Mind you, she was given 3-6 months to live at that time. She screamed “I’m dying, I’m dying from cancer” over and over as if finally coming to terms with it. A month later on my daughter’s 16th birthday she passed away at home with her husband and her lovely cats ❤ I can’t tell you how devastated I was when I heard her screaming from the top of her lungs, it hurt immensely. She suffered as well especially after the cancer spread to her brain. It was sad to see and so surreal, she was only 53. I feel for these people.
Poor man. He needs permission from his wife to die in peace. He’s so concerned about her. How precious. I saw she passed away also recently. I pray their daughters recover from the loss.
This was one tough documentary to watch. I salute the patients and their families for allowing cameras capture them at their lowest in order to share their story. Glad every patient died knowing they were loved by family. Hugs to all
We need more documentaries such as this, especially as we are an aging society. The physicians and patients and families who participated in this are to be commended. I don't ever want to put a physician or a loved one in a position of having to make decisions for me and I have taken measures to ensure that does not happen. In the end, we are in God's hands and I hope I have the courage when my time comes to acknowledge and accept that. Blessings to our health care professionals who deal with this daily and blessings to those featured in this documentary.
In March of 2020, at the age of 46, I almost died twice. It was during the initial crisis of covid and I tell you, it was the most horrible and horrific experience of my life. I was in the hospital for 3 months and was kept doped up on so many medications that I was hallucinating. I was isolated from my family and very abusively handled by what little hospital staff there was at the time. I had nobody to advocate for me due to the covid quarantine. I was completely alone and struggling to even comprehend what was happening. I at least had the awareness that it was something to do with being overly medicated. Nobody would listen to me until I begged one on-call doctor to please look at my medications and anything making me drowsy or lethargic I wanted stopped. Thank goodness he did as I requested. As my mind cleared, I realized they were just waiting for me to die and they were NOT taking care of me. But I wasn't ready to die, I wanted to live and I wanted them to act accordingly. I wanted physical therapy because after months in bed I couldn't even hold a pen to write my name. I desperately wanted a bath because I had crusted blood and who knows what else all over me the ENTIRE time. So... they labeled me a difficult patient. I wasn't being hostile, but I was pretty adamant I wasn't going to die without a fight. Due to the quarantine I had to advocate for myself and I was punished for it. Medical gaslighting is real. I can write a book, I tell you. Anyway, they released me and gave me a life expectancy of 3-6 months. They very strongly encouraged me to go on hospice rather than therapy and had the 'quality over quantity' discussion with me. Now it's Oct. 2023 and I am thriving- but I don't give the doctors credit for saving my life. They left me in medical purgatory. I am still here by sheer will and determination of wanting to live. The subject of dying and death should not be so taboo or considered morbid. It's a fact of life. People need to plan, need to let their family know what they want and have advocates who will speak up for them if they are incapacitated. Document everything, pay attention to medications, doctor interactions, question everything and have a plan of action.
Please try gratitude. I've read one Jewish book about gratitude: people wrote about how they didn't have something, wanted it so much, and they started practicing gratitude for about half an hour/hour each day. And they got what they wanted! Heavens are very generous. Remember this please: 'Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.'
It's easy to blame doctors, but medical issues are complicated and often without any guarantee of livelihood. The reason you may have been treated poorly is because you had physiology that medicine had not found to be treatable yet. I respect you for fighting but quit treating medicine like it's math with one problem and one answer. It's literally never black and white and I doubt the doctors were trying to fuckin kill you.
Good for you. Especially in the time of the plandemic, too many became who the weren’t and many were sacrificed for it. Glad you’re where you’re supposed to be! 👍❤️
I worked as an RN for 30 years, now retired. Please folks, if nothing else, please give your family the greatest gift- take the legal steps to have your wishes known before you need to have someone make those decisions for you. Please get a : Power of attorney for health and financial decisions. An Advance Directive and/or POLST. I have seen families break up over members fighting among themselves regarding making final health decisions for their loved one. Families are shielded from the actually cost of taking care of terminally ill patients, due to insurance coverage. When insurance does not cover long term care as custodial care, then the decisions that are made to prolong someone's life , do change , when the family or patient has to pay for the care out of pocket. Please consider the quality of life, when making decisions for yourself or family members.
My heart broke when Norman said he was scared! May your soul rest in peace. They were so brave and so open. I pray for their souls to find peace! They really wanted to live they were clinging on... Such fighters.
As an ICU Nurse I’m still moved to tears by this. I could only wish more had advanced directives, and more people asked if we should rather than if we could….
My parents died within 3 months of each other in 2005. Both were open with me about advance directives and exactly what they wanted years before either were ill. Their wishes were followed. I've made my wishes known to my children and have an advance directive. I don't understand why people don't discuss these important things with family/friends. Death and dying isn't pretty and it's important to talk about.
Is it greedy though? It's easy to label something an absolute, like "greedy"...when really, it's more complex than that. Cognitive distortions cause us to oversimplify complexities, to help us feel more certain...even if it's calling someone greedy, without fully understanding them. Cognitive distortions fill-in-the-blank about others, and create a narrative, that help us avoid zooming out, deeply introspecting, and using metacognition to help witness the other person, the situation, and our own feelings. I worked ICU/PCU, and yes, it can be frustrating to deal with the ignorance, blindness, and barriers, that family members bring with them. However, it is important to deeply understand attachment theory, neuroscience, and all the interconnection and complexities of human relationships, and the very dysfunctional view of death most people have, and society perpetuates. A person who can't let go, who appears "greedy" is coming face to face with beliefs systems, fears of abandoning the other, inability to accept reality...and more. There is unresolved issues often driving things too. The limbic system is often running the show. They are often in a non-logical, subconscious strategy, frame of mind. They are scrambling mentally. It would be lovely if all people had balanced, healthy families, who respected each other, talked openly and honestly about death, their needs and wishes, and so forth...but that rarely is the case. Too often, we are dealing with unresolved traumas, betrayals, loss, unprocessed grief, and it is layered, multifaceted, and so on. The psychology and neuroscience is so complex, a full thesis would barely scratch the surface.
@@Alphacentauri819 I only got to experience 6 yrs in Med/Surg and occasional Tele/ICU float as a 2nd career but your comment has exactly the ring of truth.
@@joeblow5087 that's likely a response a toddler would have upon entering an upper level physics class in university... it's beyond their understanding, developmental level, or care. They have an excuse. What's yours?
I have worked with lots of hospice patient. I think the worst part is the suffering before death. I fear the suffering and prolong sickness. Therefore, it is very important to let go when time comes rather than hooking your life with machines and prolonging the suffering. The fact is, the death is just a crossing of threshold of eternity. Don’t prolong your suffering by being full code and getting resuscitation unnecessarily. The other side of the world is beautiful without suffering. Just cross the threshold when time comes. It makes you and your family comfortable.
I stayed with my mom thru her lung cancer . For 10 months I watched her slowly deteriorate and die. The last 3 months she got worse and it was happening fast. The chemo in the beginning was the most miserable for her. She laid sick for a week after every chemo . By the time she passed I honestly was relieved her suffering was over. That's the first time in my life losing someone I love .if I ever got terminal cancer I swear I'm doing heroin and waiting on that lethal dose rather than letting cancer eat my body until the end .
@@FriendlyDiscourse wow. Empathy deficit much? Lung cancer can occur for many reasons...it is a cognitive distortion for you to assume, jump to a conclusion. Additionally, people like you, who don't inquire, think you know, and lack empathy...probably cause as much cancer as cigarettes. How? Being around people who are cruel, unfeeling, black/white thinkers, biased filters...often cause extraordinary stress on others. It's like having a caustic poisonous substance, drip, drip, on your skin. I bet you're wholly unaware of your effect, a type of anosognosia. Work on you. Guaranteed you are not perfect either. Those who project such toxic blame are usually hiding mountains of shame...deal with your shame. That's cancerous.
In 2014, my husband died of blood cancer in a hospital, which was very difficult. Three months later, my father died of bone cancer in hospice at home where we could all be with him. Extremely grateful for the caring and sensitive medical personnel. It truly is a quality over quantity choice. Going through death with a loved one is difficult, yet an important experience.
My mother had a DNR on her records, and I made sure they followed it. It hurt like hell, but I knew it was the right thing to do, and her and I had talked about it several times at length. She was very comfortable with it. And I wanted to make sure that I honor her wishes right up until the end. And I did, on November 26, 2011, Thanksgiving day was the worst day of my life. But for her, it was her greatest
I've been at the death of a few relatives including my own mother and father. At the time, it's some of the most horrible anguish you can imagine. The emotional pain is palpable. In the years since, I look back on those moments and am so very grateful. Grateful to have the chance to say goodbye. Grateful to comfort the dying in their hour of need. Ultimately and begrudgingly, thankful for the memories. They brought me into this world. I ushered them out. What a great honor.
Wish this had been my story. I was my dad's caregiver and friend for almost 8 years. Then covid hit and our worst fear came true: he was infected and died alone. Death wasn't the fear, it was not being there for each other that terrified us. No goodbye, no comfort. You gave your parents the most beautiful final gift. ❤
I feel the same way…was with both of my parents when they passed. What’s crazy is I was the only child out of 4 children to be there with them. Dad had lymphoma cancer and mom had Alzheimer’s; have learned I’m pretty tough and I wouldn’t trade being there for them when it really mattered🤍. Glad you were with yours also, it’s very heartbreaking.
Why on earth would you want someone you love to lie there and suffer like that, the way the lady dying of scleroderma was? That woman in the blue was just being cruel and selfish to insist that she be kept on all that life support especially when that was not what she wanted. That is clearly nothing but torture, and this woman is absolutely helpless in the face of the sheer selfishness of these others. They’re not considering her. They are concerned only with themselves! The woman is dying! Let her go and be at peace! Have the decency and the compassion to end her suffering!
I worked in a hospital as an aide and sat with several patients at the end of life. Some of whom were kept alive, unconscious and on life support for (in my opinion) far too long by family. I have had to make this decision too, I know it is so painful and difficult to let someone go. Forever wouldn’t be long enough. However I’ve been there when patients tell me in secret, after their families leave that they only fight for their loved ones. They are in pain and are tired and fight for those they leave behind. People deserve to pass away in peace. Sometimes fighting only prolongs the pain and suffering. After what I have seen I’ve made it clear to my family that I want them to let me go. Please do not leave me half alive in a bed for years. I highly suggest everyone fill out a health care proxy or other legal document defining what treatment you want to receive if you should become critically I’ll.
I'm finding myself struggling in filling one out because how do you know? By that I mean, what IF I were to state my feelings that I don't want to live unable to function and on a machine but at the same time, what if? Let's say I were critically ill and I had signed the above (saying don't let me live on a machine endlessly) and the person in charge shut the machines off on a Tuesday BUT, IF they'd waited just 2 more days, I'd have come out of it and lived another 10 years? Is it left up to just 1 doctor who sees you maybe 15 minutes a day or when about to turn things off, do they get second opinions? And one question asks about food and water? I thought hospitals automatically hydrate and nourish even on machines. Not correct? I think I'd want water but maybe not??
I worked in a nursing home for 12,in the laundry room I can't tell you how many times I sat with people when they were dying It was my honor,No one should ever die alone...
As a former phlebotomist and a current nurse, I’ve seen this and you can see that the patient isn’t there anymore. There’s a point when it becomes existing and not living. My grandmother had a massive brain bleed my last semester of college. When my mom and grandfather made the decision to make her a DNR, I knew it was for the best. She was so full of life, a social butterfly, very cheerful and a light to many. The doctors told us if she recovered that she’d likely be in a nursing home until she died, unable to speak or walk or care for herself. We didn’t want that and knew she didn’t either. She lived for two weeks on hospice. She just stopped breathing one day. It’s been 23 years. I miss her, yes, but if she was here unable to care for herself and communicate, I knew that would kill us all. When the person you no longer knew is gone, when they are just a shell of themselves, it’s time to let go.
I feel this way regarding my dad. A week or two before hospice he seemed more distant, but only in retrospect. At the end, all that's left is a husk or a shell. The soul is long gone.
I understand what you are saying. It is a letting go of a loved one that I see often happens is a need to hold on to " their life" because of your own life experience. It is very difficult to let go, but it is often the most beautiful thing you can do to show your love!!
My husband died of AML. He had a transplant, he got better, suffered, declined, rallied……. But until the end he never allowed himself to give up. It’s been 13 years, and I miss him everyday…
As a nurse for over 35 years, I can understand the medical professionals logic to the this topic however until terminal illness actually happened to my closest family member , I no longer felt in control of my medical knowledge and making logical decisions. It’s truly a different experience when you are part of this process on a personal level. I truly surprised myself and realized just how vulnerable we all are when these situations affect us or our family members.
It depends I think. I’m not a medical professional but had had to support my family in very similar situations and we had always took the logical decisions. Our family also keeps open communication about their desires if they fell ill or they’re in an accident and how they want the rest of relatives to proceed when a hard decision is required
@@bukshot2daface232 - On the contrary, many doctors and nurses more clue than you can imagine. They are the ones that will take time to talk to a patient and/or a family about end of life decisions. Experiencing this event happening to an immediate family member does give one insight but a compassionate person can often empathize.
It's humbling isn't it? Sometimes there is a way that we as health care providers keep death at a distance from our personal life. We treat illness and death happens at work but death is everywhere and we also need to turn towards what is difficult.
if someone makes it clear they want to be gone as soon as they fall seriously ill, i feel like the most respectable and humane thing to do is do as they requested.
Take into consideration age and health or quality of their life . If they recover what’s their quality? It’s a hard decision, but when, still hard but if medical staff says odds are grim , time to go! Me personally if I cannot speak, if I’m not capable of recovering remove my machines
My mom passed away 3 years ago. She was in ICU for one week. We would often talk about if she was in the state of not being able to make the decision to live. She gave me directions on what to do. I followed her wishes. I am glad we had those conversations. RIP my dear mommy.
What an informative documentary. My sister has terminal bone, kidney, and lung cancer. Watching this gives me information to prepare my own instructions in case I get cancer. It runs in our family so badly.
This should be mandatory viewing for everyone. What a powerful and insightful look at such a complicated issue and what is, at its core, the human condition. The "we did this to him" about Norman and the "broken survivors" comment is haunting having been part of providing that care several times myself.
My father had untreatable liver cancer, doctors told us he either goes to ICU or goes home, our father had told us long back that he would never want to go to ICU and ventilator and we decided to take him home. After seeing this documentary I am glad we did not put him through this and signed DNR and DNI.
I wonder what type of "MD" the daughter is. It's shocking that a physician who is aware of the risks and prognosis of prolonged, invasive interventions present would still take that chance, particularly on a patient who has severe dementia. This is horrifying.
I wondered the same. Even if we make allowances for her thinking as a daughter and not as a doctor, insisting on a tracheotomy for someone with dementia, choking on her own secretions, was seriously misguided. Horrifying indeed!
I’m 45 and have been fighting a tumor in my chest since twenty. My treatment days are over, yet the residual tumor is sitting on my nerve to my left arm, occasionally eating into it. I’m on increasing narcotics for pain, but when the pain is bad, it’s literally torture. Don’t know how much time I have left, but am looking into euthanasia. I’m frightened but take it a day at a time. We all come to our ends. I just don’t want mine to be in immense suffering.
indeed if i gotta go let me be its my time ill just be like see u on the other side i guess i mean death is normal so its the circle of life live and die repeat maybe.
My grandfather was a chaplain for 35 years, and one of his more significant roles was often being bedside for sick and dying patients. It had enough of an impact on him that he knew he didn't want to die there, and when he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in his early 70s, he declined all intervention aside from comfort so he could spend his last few months at home. He passed away peacefully the day after Christmas, in his bed, surrounded by family. I've been a nurse for over 10 years now, 6+ in ICU. My great-grandmother survived the 1918 pandemic as a nurse, and my mother worked as a nurse through the AIDS epidemic and the fear that brought. We all knew that a dignified death of our choosing was one of the best gifts we could have at the end of life, because medicine does terrible things to people in the name of simply keeping them alive. Absolutely terrible things.
I remember when my nephew drowned and they had him on a ventilator for like a week until his heart stopped. I felt so guilty for being happy that he had transitioned because I didn’t want him to continue suffering. The doctor had said that he was brain dead but my my family wouldn’t let him go. It was so painful to watch. His little body just couldn’t take it anymore. I think about him everyday !! He was 16.
My sweet Dad who was my everything passed in 2021. We were lucky to celebrate his 90th shortly before he passed. He adored my mom to the end, but realized he was more of a burden than a help. I never realized how much of my self esteem was because of this amazing man. I also never realized how traumatizing death can be. Prayers and love to everyone who has to go through these agonizing decisions.
Losing a parent is definitely devastating especially when it comes suddenly. It rocks your entire existence. My Dad passed away in 2015 of a sudden cardiac arrest. There's no way to even describe that pain. He shaped my entire personality. It's jarring that you only realize that AFTER you lose them.
I understand completely. My father was my best friend, he died when I was 9 and I've never really recovered. But a lot had to do with our dysfunctional family after his death.
I’m a paramedic. I watched my dad die from cancer. I make sure I do everything in my power to keep them home and do a telemedicine call with a doctor. I also do everything in my power to keep them pain free and as comfortable as possible. Thank goodness the company I work for , we can give Fentanyl, morphine or Ketamine. It’s a blessing to meet these patients and their families.
You are so right! My desire if I get incurable cancer is I want to be No Vent! Give me morphine, a clean bed, lots of pillows, a cold drink, and music and just let me go. I’ve been on a vent before and I never ever wanna live that way.
I watched my father die of cancer. My mother will altztimers . My father didn't last long. I took care of my mother for 8 years. By far the hardest thing I ever did. No one around to help me. But I do have God
how do I approach a medical professional to see if they are amendable to strong pain meds? I have a progressive disease which has just taken a drastic turn for the worse, my doctors seem to think I'm drug seeking. I can't cope and need out.
These dear patients are so brave to allow cameras into their most personal and most difficult moments. God bless them all 🙏🏽
Maybe if they showed more real life documentaries like this, we could make better end-life decisions.
It’s not the soft pastel perfectly healthy other-than-the-fact-they’re-dying romantic crying and letting go, that we see in the movies.
The body makes horrific changes as illness moves in and takes residence. And the entire family has to put their lives on hold as they wait and wonder.
The last lady was laying in the hospital suspended between worlds for a year. The people who insisted she be placed on a vent…were they in the last scene? She was alone. Like a petunia in the garden that is only visited once or twice to make sure it’s still alive.
Before this documentary, I was like, “Plug me into the cigarette lighter if you have to! Don’t let me die!” Now I’m more like, “Shoot! You guys are going to live your lives whether I’m hooked to tubes or underground! (people have to live! You can’t blame them!) So unhook me from the wall and hook me up to Jesus!”
If I can’t be an improving patient, I don’t want to be a petunia. So pluck me, stick me in a vase to get my last sip of water, then toss my dried up leaves back in the garden and move on.
I know, right? I really feel privileged to have been allowed in.
Came here to say the same thing. For these families to be so open with these moments and decisions is a blessing and a benefit for all of us.
Gee which patient was in any condition to make decisions ..
I mean... I don't know how aware Ms. Laureville and Norman were of the cameras.
My dad had lung cancer, refused any treatment and worked the day before he went into a coma. He died peacefully 2 days later. At the time I was upset that he didn’t get treatment so I could have him a little longer. With the wisdom of age, now I know he did the right thing for himself and he kept his family from witnessing a long, torturous decline. I love you daddy and I miss you every day.
Your daddy 💕💕 was selfless
My dad too. Had colen cancer had a 50% chance of living . He was 62, nope the way he wanted to go. Have to repect that. that was 12 years ago
Ur father didn't had a surgery? Therapy? How he lived until death? I can understand my grandfather died from stomach and intestines cancer. Doctors said it's like rotten flash. But still alive he's lucky. A doctor said he will live for 2 or 3 months. They gave him therapy but still his condition wasn't change for a second. Still remember the day 3 weeks later in hospital he said when I'll cure I'll go home and plant the strawberry seeds. Even doctor told us he won't live still he had the hope. But the day few hours ago before he died he said I don't want to live like this I'll rather than die. And he really died
yup that is my plan. No reason to burden myself in a hospital with drs or burden my family and die on his own terms.
@@ivettesantana4319 but if there's a treatment u should take it. There's many disease and also there treatment for it. But I can't trust most doctor's because now everyone wants money.
My father was an MD. He was diagnosed with leukemia at 51 YO. He passed away when I was 22 YO. He ALWAYS believed that your QUALITY of life matters more than your QUANTITY of life. It was HORRIBLE when he went thru chemo! It’s been almost 30 years since he’s been gone, but everyday I think about him. ❤️
You need to follow in his footsteps - make him proud! Become a great physician 😊
Please punch my balllls and call cuffsa
Yes
Thankska
Sorry for your loss! I lost my dad unexpectedly 2 summers ago. Was worst thing that ever happened in to me and had some pretty bad things happened in life but loosing my father was the worst. So I feel for you as we only have one parent and never get another one. Take care!
I was given 72 hrs. Six years back. My body was shutting down. I'm greatful to be here.
Im so happy you’re here!
@@ravenpiee thank you for ur kind words.. today is my 52nd birthday. It was a celebration of warmth and work.
@@navaskinGreat wonderful, I hope you had a great birthday. Can you elucidate on what happened to you, 6 years back?
@@steelinyt5516 I had a hip infection. Thought was arthritis acting up. Was put into a medical coma for 5 weeks. My body started to fail. I was given 72hrs. Been in recovery since. I'm 52 now. I realize I'll never be 100 percent. So happy to be here and semi healthy. I'm working toward school. I want to help people stuck in addiction. I'm a recovering alcoholic and addict of 11 years. My 52nd year celebration was relaxed.
I'm glad you're here too!
I’m 70. I had one debilitating illness at age 63. I was bedridden for two years and was as helpless as a newborn. I couldn’t walk or talk or make a sandwich or bathe myself. Six years after the fact, I’m still not all the way back. I may never be. So, if I’m that ill again, I don’t want to survive. I am a DNR. I won’t be put on “life support” ever. Coming back from that kind of catastrophic illness is the definition of suffering. I’m 70. I’ve had a good life. I’m satisfied. Let me go.
God bless you, Diane. When it’s your time, I hope you go peacefully and without pain. Sometimes “giving up” is the strongest thing to do
Your clarity is admirable
I can only hope to make it to 70! Both my Parents passed in their early 50’s. I will be 43 this year!😳😳
My illness story echos your own. I admire your decision and feel the same as you. I discussed your example with my caregivers.
Bless you , dear one. GOD be with you always. ❤🙏
I’ve been a RN since 1996. I’ve seen so much death. I respect families that put their wishes aside and abide by their loved ones wishes. My dad said “ I want to die at home at the beach”. He had Congestive heart failure. He came home. I put on his favorite music-opera. Everyone visited. On day 3 he slipped into unconsciousness and died after saying goodbye to ALL his family. It was so peaceful and beautiful.
Lovely
Gorgeous
I'm in Hospice, and it's been absolutely an amazing experience. I'm at home, while I'm deteorating - I live everyday. We know our bodies, and Death - that's the easy part.. Live your best life, stay comfortable, and God Bless You All ❤❤❤
We must shed the flesh to be with God. Know that you are never alone. I will pray that your time is good and you continue to be at peace. It is in dying that we are born into eternal life.
your dying?
@@legendmaster1989You’re*
@@TheJingles007 🤓
Love you,Shannon.
My daughter, at the age of 8yrs. old, had Bacterial Meningitis. Her Dr.( pediatrician) told me to " prepare myself, and being in the healthcare myself, I knew what he meant. I never left her side. She was in a coma for 3 days, and came put of the coma. 10 days later she had made a full recovery. Today, she is a healthy 46 yr. mom, and also in Healthcare. I still believe in miracles.
She was 8! Big difference…
AMEN!!! GOD DOES REALLY HAVE THE LAST WORD😮
JOHN3:16❤
Miracles CAN happen, and your daughter was one of them! Meningitis is a dangerous infection, but today, we have newer antibiotics and MAB's that may help and the future can still be rosy for many patients, even with a deadly brain infection.
That's amazing! ❤️ My cousin survived Bacterial Meningitis, unfortunately with very different outcome. He was never the same little boy again.
That's very different from what's going on with most of these stories.
I've been a nurse for over 40 years and have seen a lot of death. Believe me, there are worse things than dying.
I believe you.
For someone as young and as ignorant to harsh realities of life as me, can you expand on what you mean?
Yes suffering until death
Thank you for your years of care ❤. I agree, if there is no quality of life left the efforts are futile at best, prolongs suffering at worst.
Mezzz, do these patients seem to be enjoying themselves? How would you feel if that was you in that bed? Would you want that to go on for potentially years?
To all the nurses, interns, housestaff, and medical assistants, thank you for all the tireless work you do, which often goes unrecognized. While the MD/DO is the captain of the ship, you folks are the steam that powers the ship. From a patient's family member, I am in awe of the work you all do.
You are welcome!!!❤️❤️🙏🙏🏽
Scott, thank you for your kind words. I have been an RN working 12 hr night mostly weekends for nearly all of my career. I have worked in adult EENT medical/surgical oncology, medical oncology, adult ICU (medical/surgical, neuro, coronary care, and open heart units) and for the last 16 years in the teleCritical Care arena. To you and the thousands I have cared for including families and friends of patients, you are most welcome. I am glad I could spend my time caring for you.
Muhammad Fauzan Karim, RN, AASD, MSN, CV-BC, CCRN-E
It is my job as cleaning staff/ kitchen staff in the hospital I work in to keep them comfortable. If a patient wants an egg I will run out and boil them an egg. Anything when they are dying. I see so many COPD patients and I get so attached rhat it hurts when they pass. It just makes me want to help them be even more comfortable. Everyone should die with dignity.
You are quite special. We highly appreciate what you do. @@kenjiyamaha2879
They expect a little under the table money..
There were 3 things mama wanted: Cook in her kitchen, work in her garden, go to her church. If that wasn't possible, life was fruitless. DO NOT intubate, ventilate, oxygenate, resuscitate, or hydrate was how she set things up, what she wanted, but left final decision to me and not doctors. In hospice she said that I needed to get myself together and that nobody comes here to stay. I miss that lady, my mama. She taught me how to live and how to die.
Same for my mom. She has bilateral ulcerated breast cancer. We have had her in hospice for over a year. We have slowly watched her do the things she loves with the people she loves.
To me that sounds very old-fashioned and traditional. It's been a long time for you, have you considered wanting non-traditional things?
@@ikawba00absolutely nothing wrong with being old fashioned and traditional. You’re saying it like those are bad things when in fact they are the things that have allowed us to exist.
❤ rest in peace to your mother
Your mom was smart. That she said "nobody comes here to stay" is absolutely correct. We all live and die, it's merely a question of how and when. I can't think of ANY reason why I would want to extend life if I have a terminal disease, if I know that is what is ahead, then hurry it up and get it over with is my thought, and a thought I have heard dying patients often express. But not all people think alike, and losing a loved one is very difficult. None of us lives forever, but it is amazing how NO ONE wants to talk about death. Most humans won't even say the word "died" -- its s/he "passed away" or today, they just say "s/he passed!" When someone first said that to me, I wondered what they passed -- a truck on the freeway or what?! In the medical field, we usually say s/he's "gone." But that's when they are taking their last breaths and death is finally confirmed to those present in the room. ("Gone" is the same terminology my veterinarian used when putting my precious pets to sleep -- it's appropriate!)
Some people who are dying, often are far more concerned about how their family is going to grieve and handle the loss, more concerned about that then for themselves!
As you age, you become aware of your age, what the "average lifespan" is, and you start to become aware of "how much time do I have left!" No one knows, no one can say how long before someone dies because some people fight to hang on, others seem resolved and seem to accept it and die peacefully.
I just don't want MY death to be long and drawn out or be painful! I hope when that time comes, I can handle it gracefully, however I will decide, whether it is MAID (medical assistance in dying -- where it's legal) or a natural chain of events that will occur.
There ARE signs, the body changes some as death becomes imminent -- skin color changes, sometime it appears mottled, other times it looks bluish; breathing changes, it may become shallower with a deep breath once in a while, or it can be Cheyne Stokes breathing, which is common at the end, it is progressively deeper breaths, and sometimes faster, breathing followed by a gradual decrease that results in a temporary stop in breathing called apnea. The pattern repeats, with each cycle usually taking 30 seconds to 2 minutes, before it stops altogether. They may be unable to swallow their saliva which can pool in the throat and produce a "death rattle" so we suction it to be more comfortable for the patient and everyone present and to prevent them aspirating it (breathing saliva down into their lungs) which we do NOT want. No one knows exactly "how long" someone has before they die. It's only a best guess!
There are pain medications and anti-anxiety medications that are often given to the terminal patient to ease their transition from life to death. Those meds are usually given with far more lenience in a hospice care facility than the hospital.
Hospice care is a blessing for patients at the end of their life. Hospice personnel KNOW how to deal with death, they are kind and understanding to BOTH the patient and the family. And if the person wishes to die at home, hospice can help with that also!
I held my baby as she passed. It was the hardest experience I've ever had, but I knew she was at peace, and free of all her pain.
You were there when she came into this world and had the honor of being there when she left.
My condolences
💐
I am sorry for your loss. I have 2 babies waiting for me in heaven with God. ❤
@@marthaarciniega8244how did they pass
@@jordanjackson3817honor? I’m pretty sure no one wants to witness their child dying
I am a trauma nurse and I implore everyone watching this video to have these conversations with your families and health care providers NOW! Have paperwork detailing your medical wishes in case of a catastrophic illness or injury in place. And families, please honor their wishes! It broke my heart to see the woman’s daughter, who is an M.D. override her sister who seems to be a pretty knowledgeable R.N. and insist on giving her elderly mother with end stage dementia a painful tracheotomy, to which she will now be ventilator-dependent for the rest of her life. What kind of quality of life is that? And I get it…it is gut wrenching to be put into the position to have to make these life or death decisions for your spouse, or parent, or sibling. But first do no harm. Have the talks NOW and HONOR their wishes.
Totally agree. The sister who was an MD could not put her emotions aside. She kept weeping while her sister sang beautiful songs to the mother. It’s as if the MD had unfinished business with mom are needed some closure or something.
Oh my lord the the daughters who intubated their mother with Alzheimer’s. Who does that?!?? What absolute torture. Release her. My god. I worked with Alzheimer’s patients for 23 years…. Give her a good death. Not a torturous one. Horrible people that are putting their own selfish feelings over their own mothers suffering.
The fact that one is a nurse and the other is an MD IS HORRENDOUS. Ridiculous.
It also broke my heart. I'm an aspiring medical student, but I know by heart quality of life matters more than anything. Seeing a lovely grandma wasting away on a ventilator is so sad. I support the RN's decision to let their mama go, regardless of how much they love them. I always say that if something happens to me and my family has to decide whether to let me go or seek medical interventions that will hold me captive and milk them of every penny, I'm better off gone. That way everyone is set free. woiiieeee Grandma!!
100%.
I went through this with my mom around 3 years ago. No one can stop death. Now for me to be there with my mom taking her last breath. Meant the world to me. I feel so blessed to gotten that opportunity. It's all a part of life.
Send man to the moon but can't find a CURE,,,,
Thank you for this comment
@@rickwallace4226I agree, crazy but gotta accept it.
@@rickwallace4226 Not everything can or should be cured. We are mortal creatures.
I held my mother in my arms, as she had held me for so many years earlier, as she died. The abruptness and finality of losing my lifeline, my Momma, changed me forevermore. I never leave a beloved for a minute, an hour, days or any time, without saying, "I love you."
I, too, appreciate the experience of being her last, her nearest one.
I wached my father suffer unbelievable conditions because my family couldn't let him pass. I applaud the nurses who help with a person on their journey home.
It is an honor to be the last one before they leave…
Very well said; I was my mom’s caregiver for 13 years~Alzheimer’s. It was the hardest; but also the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done.
❤
I am an oncology nurse but sometimes I float to our hospice unit to pick up extra shifts. Hospice is such a better place for someone near the end of their life to be. No alarms going off, no invasive tubes and lines. It is quiet, pleasant, dignified. The medication station is filled with comfort-care medications that make the dying process easier. There are family suites attached to each room so that the family can stay overnight with the patient in a comfortable and spacious setting, and enjoy spending precious moments near the end. It is a better place to die than the ICU by many orders of magnitude.
I completely agree and I am not in the medical community at all. Far better to go gently and in no pain than be hooked to all these machines and kept alive artificially for long periods of time. I was horrified watching what these people went thru and the family members just keeping them alive to no purpose. This is not what I want and if I do get something horrible, I don't think I will even accept any treatment at all. I am 62 with no spouse and no children so there is nothing keeping me here and I'd much prefer to go painlessly and without any suffering. I am also a born-again Christian so being with my Lord is far better than this earth anyway. So it's not a difficult decision for me to make. God love all these people who have suffered so much.
Dying easier? Death hurts?
@@TheYoli182 people can have pain before death.
@@TheYoli182. Damn right it probably hurts a lot - depending on how ya go. The deaths of my loved ones that I have personally witnessed were anything but easy and peaceful - even despite hospice care. Dying can be extremely distressful for the patient.
I feel like I needed to hear this. Thank you.
I am 68 and I would NOT want to be put on machines. If it's my time to die, then let me go. I know my kids may have a problem making that decision, so I have made it for them. That's not a life.
I know I'm gonna have to fight my siblings when my parents are ready to go. My parents don't want to be forced to stay alive, and I would never make them. But I know my sister and brother might have trouble. Love comes in many forms /:
good idea
Amen my sister!
You would not know until you are in death bed
So it’s easy to speak about death before it comes in your way
Agreed,I'm 65,I'm ok with dying.
My precious Mama died peacefully at age 97. Healthy her whole life and went down quickly, her heart just gave out. We were able to keep her at home with the help of Hospice. She slipped away peacefully with me and my brother at her side. Thank God we knew and abided by her wishes. Five years now and i miss her everyday. I love you Mama...❤❤❤
That's beautiful ❤💙💜💚💛
My mother died in November 2022 . She was very ill and did not want to live like that. As hard as it was my brother and I knew her wishes. She wasn't afraid to die she told me this many times. She just didn't want to hurt anymore.
We honored our mother and stopped trying to extend her time. They are right there are more things that are worse than death.
I miss my mother so much and at the same time so grateful that she isn't here in pain anymore.
Salute to you for honoring her wishes..
Your comment touched my heart.
@@eelnoops5200 thank you.
@@NurseViv thank you
My dad died also in November 2022. Me, my sisters and mom also knew that he didn't want to be in that situation so we had doctors to withdraw care 😢
I will be 70 this year. I’m finally understanding that I won’t be on earth forever. My eventual
dying causes me to think about the people that I have disappointed and hurt. And the people who did the same to me. I forgive all who have hurt me in any way. I ask forgiveness as well. It’s good to be prepared
I will also be 70 on my next birthday. I can't hardly believe that I am actually that Old!😐
But I've started suffering these past few years with ALL the symptoms of ageing! Bad artherits in my knees and lower spine. Developed AFib almost 5 years ago. I Hate the deteration of our bodies as we continue to AGE!!😨
God bless you Lisa. You sound like a wise woman.
After watching this I'm so grateful both my parents went naturally, and quickly. My dad at 87, heart attack in his sleep, after 30+ years of a happy life after this 1st one. Mom knew about her 2 aneurysms (thoracic and abd) for a few years. She did everything right and was closely monitored by her specialist. I accompanied her those last 2 years. She wasn't afraid to ask the most difficult questions. One of those aneurysms burst one evening when I was with her. Within two hours she was gone. Talking and joking until the last half hour. That's when she drifted out. I was so grateful they didn't linger and suffer.
She wasn't afraid to ask the most difficult questions. - May we all find that kind of courage that both you and your mom had.
That's such a BEAUTIFUL and HEALTHY attitude about life and the next phase of life. 🫶
For me, I don’t want to be kept alive this way. Let me go. We need to learn how to say goodbye. 😢
A recent hospital stay made it very clear for me...DNR (do not resuscitate)
That is a major problem.
Easier said than done
No one would ever know what decision they may make until they themselves are in death bed
As a believer in Christ it’s not goodbye,
it’s see you later 😘
@@John3.16.17 Other religions say the same thing.
The day my brother was pulled off life support in the ICU there was a young kid across the room he had been in a coma for a month.. he woke up! I wished so hard my brother could have came back but knowing another family didn’t have to go threw what we did brings tears to my eyes that he could still be here with his family.. my brother was 21.. head injury freak accident.. live everyday like it’s your last cause you never know! May 24 will be 17 years since it happened.. i hope that kid that woke up that day lives the best life! RIP Troy! 🤍💙
🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
So sorry to hear of your brothers accident. May you find peace and feel much love around you. ❤
I’m there with you having brother living with a TBI following an accident. We thank God that he’s still here, talking, calling on phone, eating. I was relieved upon him breathing following breathing machine being removed. I’m sorry that you lost your brother. Stay strong ❤
My grandfather died a month before I had my daughter and my grandmother died a month before I had my son. The circle of life is something else
I’m so sorry.
As an ICU nurse , this documentary is absolutely necessary.
Its kinda hard to watch.
This brought back the time my wife was going downhill after she was hospitalized because of stage 4 colorectal cancer. She decided that she didn't want me to go through the trauma of her dying at home, and about a week after that discussion, she died June 18, 2018 at 8:33am at Umass Harrington. The saddest day of my life. It still affects me to this day. I feel I worked too hard and didn't do enough for her. Now am mentally broken. 😴
@@carlbernard4197pray for your healing friend , Jesus is a Way Maker.
@@carlbernard4197 she knows everything now. She knows How hard you worked for her, she was your family and you provided and she knows how much you love her still. Be gentle with yourself. You are still deeply grieving. It takes a long time. Acceptance and forgiveness is the key to you learning to truly live again…whilst the void will always remain…until the day your souls are rejoined.
Thank you to all the families who shared their stories through such a difficult time.
I just lost my best friend named John to multiple myeloma a few months ago. So jarring. He was less than 2 months shy of his 35th birthday.
Eq❤@@MiVidaBellisima
@@MiVidaBellisimaI’m sorry, dear heart. ❤
I, too, have been a nurse for over 40 years---closer to 50. Marilyn, the previous commenter, is correct there are far worse things than death. Please, let them go; whether it be to eternal sleep or to a placed reserved for them---let them have peace. Blessings
Another RN here. I quit hospital nursing in the ICU after seeing too many patients like these. Went to case management to help people get OUT of the hospital and stay out.
I worked on a vent unit here in New York. I also watched a video about care of comatose patients in Europe they had much more positive results they did lots of intense Physical Therapy for one year. Many people came around. USA needs to do this.
Much of the fear of death comes from silly 🤪 religious mythology we continue to pass down to next generations. 😶
Its not advisable in the long run!
Drs do get lazy, and a very high number of them have psychopathic personalities. If there is no incentive to try their best to save someone, a lot of people may be lost.
Emotions must not come before principle.
Yes I am a social worker, started out in long term care. I believe in death with dignity. These ICU beds could be going to younger people
After you lose a child, death doesn't seem so bad. The lighter the coffin, the heavier it is to carry...
.....from devastating experience. 😢
I’m so sorry you had to go through that… I can’t even imagine the pain. God bless you
My deepest condolences to you. God bless and comfort you.
@@madanderson9338 thank you so much. It's such an unnatural order of things...but I have my other babies I gotta live for. They're the only reason I was able to stand up again. It certainly hurts to stand but their presence alone gives me the strength to do it. Thank you for the kind words.
@@debbiecreter2005 thank you so much. Hardest thing I've ever been through. Dropped me to my knees. My other kiddos gave me the will to stand again. It hurts.. it never stops hurting but they give me love and strength and for that I'll be forever grateful. Can't wait to see my baby again though. It's gonna be the best feeling in the world to hold him again. Thank you for your kindness.
I agree. This month makes 5 years that I've lost my son at 3 months. I'm not as afraid of death now. Prayers to you❤️🙏
To be kept “alive,” on a respirator, an octopus with tubes everywhere, is utterly terrifying and disgusting. I believe in Death with Dignity. I’ve made sure that I signed a “Do Not Resuscitate.”
Make sure you get promises from anyone who can stop that from happening. People fight that in their sadness and selfishness.
@@patriot20000 Thank you. I have.
This nurse says thank you for telling these stories and showing the public what modern medical intervention at life's end looks like and sounds like.
They exploited it for ratings.
It is very important
Helps be informed
These decisions have to be made sooner or later by every human
This is honestly the first time I've heard anything like this, I feel like it needs to be talked about more
I dunno how these families could deal with this on top of their loved ones being sick , I couldn’t even think straight I hated to see the doctors come around much less camera’s filming , bless these families ❤ prayers
Thank you for being a nurse. When I was in the hospital for surgery, the nurses who cared for me are the BEST. Patients do not always consider how amazing and compassionate nurses are.
I started my Nursing career in Hopice, then Oncology, followed by Neuro/trauma/medical-surgical ICU. Now, i am a mental health RN and it gives me a new perspective in life. I'm not handling pts with poor prognosis to die but helping patients not to take their own lives. All my experiences have taught me how fragile life is and understand my Bible the more I care for the sick. I consider it a privilege to be of service to people in their vulnerable state. 🙏🏽 🤲
God Bless You!
May God bless you in your career and life, you must be a great nurse and a delight to your patients. I've had nurses like you and I'm grateful for each one I find, it's a privilege to be taken care in a psych ward or a psych hospital by nurses like you. I've been 3 times under psych care and nurses like you change your whole perspective about the treatment and stay as a patient. Thank you for your hard work.
@@Mtz2604 very kind of you! I pray you're feeling better 🙏🏽
❤
I hope I have the peace my mom did when she passed. She wasn’t scared at all. She was incredibly rooted in her faith, more than anyone I’ve ever known. She stayed as long as she did for my dad and I. She passed peacefully at our home. It’s been almost a year now, I miss her a lot but I’m glad she’s no longer in pain.
Im sorry about your loss, RIP.
That’s beautiful! Thank you for sharing.
My father had a severe brain stem stroke at 46 yrs old. He was physically a strong man when it happened. Fast forward 15 years. He had 5 stents, 2 heart attacks, and another milder stroke. He continued to have heart problems and the doctors told him the only option left was bypass surgery. However, it took everything he had to be able to walk from the initial stroke. Even then, he looked as if had been drinking when he was mobile. The day the doctors told him he needed bypass surgery, he called me. He said, if I have that surgery, I will never be independent again. I would rather die than be bed bound for years. I was upset at the time, begged him to have the surgery as I couldn’t bare to lose him. 1 week later, he had a massive heart attack and passed away. I had a stroke last year at 56 years old. I was in the hospital for 3 months, ICU for 4 weeks, and went to rehab for 3 months. Now, I understand. And would choose the same.
My brother passed almost 2 months ago!! I never knew Cancer was so F… painful!! His last week of life was unbearable to watch someone you Love in extreme pain.Pain RX is a bandage for pain!!He has anew body in Heaven. It’s us the living who miss them so.
@@donnajoyner8907 9
That poor lady who was on a ventilator, and then got a tracheotomy, I feel so sorry for her. Her family wanted to keep her alive, but clearly her quality of life is no longer there. It’s very sad that she has to linger in this world without a natural death.
I agree, it's better to die than to be tortured.
Who r u to play God
I feel like that should have been an ethics consult
@@miraclesage8622 Their thinking of themselves not her
Yup, on another note. My father exacerbated my sister's depression yet gets frustrated when she becomes suicidal. He's also contributed to my mom's depression and he yells at her but constantly scolds her on her health. It's like he cares about doesn't, and holds no accountability on himself.
The women singing to the mother was so beautiful it brought tears to my eyes. This popped up ironically, my dad passed 7.20.22 at 59 while on a ventilator 🥺🥺 I love you dad & miss you!
Sorry 😞
Her daughter, I can only imagine your pain. I hope you have the support you need.
My daughters sang Amazing Grace to my mom the day she left earth. Mom was glowing like an angel!
my dad also passed away on July 20th, but in 2020. Rest in peace to our loved ones
My sister was tired and she wanted to go. She was tired of doctors, hospitals , needles and taking of blood. So we respected her wishes when she said let me go ❤️
What disease did she has?
Same thing with my father. Lost him in April to acute renal failure and CHF. He made it clear he did not want dialysis.
Framing it as “doing nothing” instead of as stopping unnecessary treatment and accepting the inevitable with grace and dignity-that’s the problem.
YES!
💯
TRUTH!!!
Absolutely.
I think it’s more than that….we are all afraid of dying, it haunts us every day of our lives from the moment we understand that life can stop. People run from death as hard as they can, and when they have to suddenly confront that inevitability, it’s devastating to see. It’s the big existential issue which we avoid by eating too much, spending too much, etc etc, but avoidance makes the thought even worse. I’ve seen 7 people die of some form of cancer in my and my husbands family, 4 of them under the age of 40, so I know what I’m talking about. My brother died of bone cancer at the age of 21 and I was 17, but the first happened to my dear brother-in-law, who was diagnosed with brain cancer when I was 12. So I began confronting my fear, reading about it, talking about it, praying about it, and now that I’m 60 with a debilitating pain disorder, I’m not afraid to die, and even more than that, my husband and sons know I’m not afraid, and that makes all the difference!
doing nothing is doing something....
Placing an 86-year-old woman with dementia on a ventilator should never be allowed to happen. This was a shame to hear at the end.
Yes.....and her kids who made that decision were a Doctor and a Nurse! I was stunned at their refusal to make rational decisions.
Problem is, when the family is present, THEY are the ones who call the shots, the family is often asked what they want, especially when it comes to taking the patient off of a respirator, meds or having a tracheotomy. Family, naturally, does NOT want them to die, understandably, but they don't understand that a patient can be kept breathing interminably, with a ventilator or respirator. We can keep their heart beating and their blood pressure up with drugs, prolonging a natural death. But if that's what the family wishes, that will be done.
This is where the patient's wishes will be priority IF they have signed a DNR order. That means "do not resuscitate" so if they stop breathing, breathing is NOT forced with a ventilator or respirator.
It is understandable that family doesn't want them to die and will want everything possible to prevent, even a natural death! But the patient should let it be known what THEIR DESIRES are before the end is imminent so that what THEY wish is carried out. That is what the DNR order is about. It protects the PATIENT'S wishes and protects their choice about their own death.
At just hurt me so bad that they would do that to her shame on them for being selfish 💔💔💔
That is crazy, totally nonsense!
@@CBeard849if google is right based on the name they show for her, the doctor daughter is an internist too. She should know, seeing the sickest and oldest people out of any doctor, that she shouldn’t put her mom through the stress of a vent😢
Many people will put
their pets “to sleep”
to prevent the animal from suffering, yet they will make “loved ones”
suffer as they keep them on the edge of death surviving on
machines and medicines.
I had a similar situation with my dog, I told her...you can go, I'll be okay😭😭she pulled through but the pain was so great that I can't fathom how it feels with a human
We're very selfish like that. I think we keep people around more for us than for them 😥
I can’t believe they left her on a ventilator for a year. That is so inhumane. Just let 90 year old nana go. Damn.
90 years. She had a great life. I agree...
Proof that nurses are more compassionate then doctors.
@@lilly243 not always. One of my nurses was a total bitch to me during my hospital stay with birthing complications. Made me feel like a total burden for being there.
What is great life, that hook on ventilator?
@@marygoff3332most people that age don't want to be around in my experience. It sounds cruel but not what you would think
I've watch my entire family pass away. I just turned 50. I'm alone and im so afraid to get close to anyone because I can't go through watching the people I loved go through pain and suffering. Sometimes I have a dreams of them and I thank GOD for the little bit of time I get to spend with them. I know I'm being selfish just thinking of my own feelings and I apologize. God give these poor people eternal painless and peaceful life in heaven.🙏❤
You're not selfish. You're suffering. Take care of you!
But this is what life is. I asked myself what my lost loved ones would want for me and I went down that path. You are fearful. This is not a Godly spirit.
Of course they’re “fearful.” That’s a *normal response.* It’s not up to you to judge whether or not someone else or their response is “godly.” Please take your twisted halo elsewhere-your comment was unnecessary and frankly, cruel.
Im all alone now too and I’m 53. Only I didn’t have to make these decisions, they were all sudden deaths. However I was an ICU nurse for 20 years and sometimes I would cry for the patients because the families made them go through so much suffering instead of letting them go palliatively.
I'm 31, and have lost a number of loved ones in traumatic ways. I struggle with the same thing you do. Very understandable for you to feel like that. I haven't figured out how to overcome it yet. Praying for the best future for you. 💜
I am a nurse who has worked in ICU, Emergency Department, Step-Down Care, pre-hospital care (EMS), and now PACU. I know with 100% certainty that I do not want to die in a hospital. Not because I won’t get good care-my practice, and the practice of every nurse I have ever known-is that if a dying patient does not have any family or friend to hold their hand as they die, to tell them that’s it ok, that they can stop fighting, and that they’ll be missed but never forgotten…I will sit with them as they die. “Nobody ever dies alone.” So certainly a dying patient is very well well cared for.
The problem with dying in a hospital is that it is undignified and impersonal. You’re in a bed that will be quickly cleaned and readied for its next occupant, not your own. You’re in a hospital gown, not your favorite pajamas unless someone remembered to bring them. Your furbaby isn’t with you unless someone brought them and they are allowed in. Its ever so much better to die at home.
I am the medical power of attorney for both of my parents, and they have both told me what they want and do not want at end of life. Thankfully, those wishes match up with my own, but I’d carry them out even if they didn’t. Quality of of life matters much, much, more than quantity (length) of life-and the “suspended animation” of the ICU at the end of life is not a quality existence.
I was at the hospital right by my wife's side when she took her last breath. I still remember it very well even though she crossed the rainbow 🌈 Bridge over 5 years ago 😢😢😢😢😢😢
As a Hospice nurse of 30+ years I continue to see patients arrive at the last minute when they could have had a comfortable dignified end of life experience. I don’t think it will change because no one wants to die. I’ll just keep doing the best I can with what little time us Hospice nurses have.
I know you don’t get paid enough and people out there think your job is replaceable but I hope me a random internet person can make you feel a literal better about that and remind you that your job is EXTREMELY important and you yourself are an Angel on earth for helping families and people through this. Hope u have a nice day 😊
Thank you for everything you do. My grandmother lived with us her last 5 months of life on hospice. I couldn’t have gotten through it without them.
Thank God for Angels like you ❤
As a human, I know I'll die, I believe God has a plan to take me...
I hope it's not a painful exit....
❤️❤️❤️❤️
I will never forget when my mother finally had passed away. She made it very clear she wanted to live and fight for every second of her life. It was so hard watching my mother struggling for every Breath. My Mother was Born on Jan.1st 1930 and she passed away on Jan 1st 1992. I miss her everyday ❤R.I.P. mama🙏💕
Hugs
I'm sorry for your loss. God bless you and your family .🙏
Sending to you lots of healing and hugs I’m going same way miss them so much my mom and dad.Good Bless All .Amen 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏❤️
She was born on 1/1/1930 and passed away the same day just years later 1/1/1992 ❤
@@eloisemarie5219 Thank you So Much!😘
As a nurse, I'm begging families to let these loved ones go. You have no idea how you are prolonging the inevitable with unimaginable suffering. Please put emotions aside and do right by these patients 😢❤❤
My father was a DNR with a living will and a doctor with a God complex said he didn't let his patients die and brought my poor daddy back 4 times. I'm an only child who lost a mother to suicide in 2014 and I was the only one who was there for my daddy...he had a massive heart attack sitting right beside me...CPR was performed but I knew, i just knew my efforts were in vane. I have night terrors, severe anxiety disorder and PTSD from watching my daddy go through hell so please, please, please....search your soul before you let this horror happen to a loved one 😭💔😭💔💯
@lynnmaynard5133 - Please let me tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I cannot imagine experiencing what you went through.
don't you have the right to end treatment if there is a DNR?
@@aceous99 - You have the right to end treatment independent of having a DNR. And you have the right to rescind a DNR at any time. I can't tell you how many hospice patients I've seen brought to the PICU when they were actively deteriorating.
I am so sorry. Right now I have a desperately I'll child whose suffering in the ER for 48+ hours w no brain scan prolonged his utter excruciating misery. He is still unresponsive. I don't know if the 2 surgeries performed on his brain will heal him, but I am so grateful that he is not in pain....EEGs scans show no brain activity like seizing indicating pain. I hold to this.
I pray for you, stranger, that you can feel that your poor Daddy isn't suffering now. But, I can relate with just reliving the God awful suffering on a loop w all of some many other roller coaster emotions, fears and thoughts. I am also taking your advice to heart if it comes to that for my child. I have to think and act for what my son would want not what soothes me.
@@Leezl41 - I really don't have the words to adequately express how sad I feel that you, your child and your family are going through this right now. This is an unimaginable crisis that I've seen many parents experience. My hope is that you have well qualified and compassionate doctors who will keep you informed of your child's progress and allow you to participate in the planning of his/her care. And that your child recovers from this. Please remember that his/her nurses are your best advocates. Truly, I will be thinking of you.
Give up? It’s called letting go. Simple and courageous
As someone who once worked icu this is a masterpiece, it brought tears to my eyes. This is why I now work hospice.
My fiance just found out hes a match for someone with leukemia. Hes going through with the bone marrow donation for transplant and im so freaking proud of him😢
this is so kind of him to do. best of luck on his procedure❤️
Wonderful! ❤
As someone who just received a BMT, let me say your fiancee is a hero ❤
PBS is so nostalgic to me, reminds me of my childhood in the 90s 🥹. The narrator, music… etc. thanks PBS
These people and their families in the documentary are incredible brave to share the most painful part of their life.
Wonderful documentary! I just turned 42 and have been battling stage 4 lung cancer for 4 1/2 years. It is extremely sad to watch all these individuals suffer 😢 I had my 3rd brain surgery earlier this year and had to select a healthcare proxy who is not my spouse because things between us is not good. I had to explain to my brother my wishes if something went awry with the surgery that I did not want to be hooked up to machines 😢 I am glad that I didn’t have any complications and I am still here.
God Bless you, I hope you are doing well
sending you love light and healing
🐜🇹🇷
Sending you love, healing and blessings
Hey how’s it going. Just checking to see how you’re doing ?
This is why I love PBS Frontline. This was a real conversation about healthcare and how how far modern medicine can take you when your deathly ill and have decisions to make with your doctors, family and yourself. Thank you to the families for sharing their journeys!!! God bless you all.❤
Never once have I cried watching a video on RUclips until now watching this and knowing how these. People feel
Fr😢
I love anything and everything Frontline PBS. Their peices are exceptional and brutally honest. Plus it’s the narrator’s voice that draws you in and you become mesmerized to the sound of his voice that’s golden buttery soft and beautiful. The sound of money actually!
I'm so glad my dad made it very clear he wanted a DNR, and when his condition worsened, he was coherent enough to tell me he had enough of hospital treatments and wanted to go home. At least we had the peace of knowing his wishes, as hard as it was. 2 weeks on hospice care and he was gone. RIP, Dad.
❤
Enduring the pain and suffering in the hope that the therapy and machines will improve their conditions and at the end, realizing that it will not, is painful for both the patients and their families.
And it's good to see the doctors being genuinely honest about their prognosis. Yes it's complicated.
Once again, thanks PBS.
I lost my mother at 21 to bone/brain cancer the doctor asked my sister and I what our wishes were for my mothers passing,we both knew it was time after battling for four years,there comes a time.I’m 33 now with young child and that’s where the pain lies her not knowing my children in the flesh..miss you mom RIP 2-16-59 passed away 12-10-10.
My wife’s grandmother passed away a few years ago. The entire family was there as she breathed her last breath. It is an experience I will never forget. The grief in that room was extremely intense.
My children and I went through this life experience when my husband fought very hard for his battle with Cancer. This program hits it right on the nail. 12 years has gone by since we are without him. God Bless the doctors and hospice nurses who were their to help us.
I've had to make these hard decisions three times in my life. My mother, my brother & my spouse. The hardest decision I ever made and as painful as they still are, they were the right decision. When your organs are shutting down one by one, it's time to let go. My spouse was going to transfer from Emergency to ICU. The doctor in that unit said the transfer should be to palliative care. He was right, we just had to hear the doctor say it and we had to face it.
god bless u; i believe u did right by ur loved ones.
Thank you for sharing this. Insurance companies should pay their members to help others in making these decisions, sharing this intimate, important, and valuable process with those that have been there would be a game changer, especially with how many of our family members will be both dying and making decisions for the dying moving forward.
Man. Your a strong dude Larry. Sending you good vibes my brother. You should try Public speaking . Your story seems inspirational. Anyhow. ☮️ and ❤.
I would like to go home. When you lose what life was worth living for there is nothing more to be alive for.
@@elinoreberkley1643 Put your wish to go home in writing before you get sick.
My heart broke for that elderly dementia patient whose family said to give her a trach. Thats just cruel...and i speak from experience having had a trach myself
incredible selfish and cruel! to let the woman “live” on a trach for over a year… wow
She would have NEVER came back from that trach! They never do with dementia. The brain can’t communicate with the body to swallow.
Shame on that MD! What a selfish b! She should know better! My dad died of cancer. He had a trach and was in horrible pain until he died.
What is a trach😮
@@lolitadiaz0113ima Google, it seems painful from the comments
I remember hearing my aunt over the phone telling me how some people didn’t believe that she had stomach cancer and how she doesn’t look sick. Mind you, she was given 3-6 months to live at that time. She screamed “I’m dying, I’m dying from cancer” over and over as if finally coming to terms with it. A month later on my daughter’s 16th birthday she passed away at home with her husband and her lovely cats ❤ I can’t tell you how devastated I was when I heard her screaming from the top of her lungs, it hurt immensely. She suffered as well especially after the cancer spread to her brain. It was sad to see and so surreal, she was only 53. I feel for these people.
Poor man. He needs permission from his wife to die in peace. He’s so concerned about her. How precious. I saw she passed away also recently. I pray their daughters recover from the loss.
Which patient are you referring?
Which patient? Are you talking about the Maloney family?
Yes sorry Maloney family. 🙏🏽
I saw it in a different way.. it was like the wife was tired to be waiting for him to die.
@@gloriah.1576 My observation too.
This was one tough documentary to watch.
I salute the patients and their families for allowing cameras capture them at their lowest in order to share their story.
Glad every patient died knowing they were loved by family. Hugs to all
We need more documentaries such as this, especially as we are an aging society. The physicians and patients and families who participated in this are to be commended. I don't ever want to put a physician or a loved one in a position of having to make decisions for me and I have taken measures to ensure that does not happen. In the end, we are in God's hands and I hope I have the courage when my time comes to acknowledge and accept that. Blessings to our health care professionals who deal with this daily and blessings to those featured in this documentary.
In March of 2020, at the age of 46, I almost died twice. It was during the initial crisis of covid and I tell you, it was the most horrible and horrific experience of my life. I was in the hospital for 3 months and was kept doped up on so many medications that I was hallucinating. I was isolated from my family and very abusively handled by what little hospital staff there was at the time. I had nobody to advocate for me due to the covid quarantine. I was completely alone and struggling to even comprehend what was happening. I at least had the awareness that it was something to do with being overly medicated. Nobody would listen to me until I begged one on-call doctor to please look at my medications and anything making me drowsy or lethargic I wanted stopped. Thank goodness he did as I requested. As my mind cleared, I realized they were just waiting for me to die and they were NOT taking care of me. But I wasn't ready to die, I wanted to live and I wanted them to act accordingly. I wanted physical therapy because after months in bed I couldn't even hold a pen to write my name. I desperately wanted a bath because I had crusted blood and who knows what else all over me the ENTIRE time. So... they labeled me a difficult patient. I wasn't being hostile, but I was pretty adamant I wasn't going to die without a fight. Due to the quarantine I had to advocate for myself and I was punished for it. Medical gaslighting is real. I can write a book, I tell you. Anyway, they released me and gave me a life expectancy of 3-6 months. They very strongly encouraged me to go on hospice rather than therapy and had the 'quality over quantity' discussion with me. Now it's Oct. 2023 and I am thriving- but I don't give the doctors credit for saving my life. They left me in medical purgatory. I am still here by sheer will and determination of wanting to live. The subject of dying and death should not be so taboo or considered morbid. It's a fact of life. People need to plan, need to let their family know what they want and have advocates who will speak up for them if they are incapacitated. Document everything, pay attention to medications, doctor interactions, question everything and have a plan of action.
Please try gratitude. I've read one Jewish book about gratitude: people wrote about how they didn't have something, wanted it so much, and they started practicing gratitude for about half an hour/hour each day. And they got what they wanted! Heavens are very generous. Remember this please: 'Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.'
It's easy to blame doctors, but medical issues are complicated and often without any guarantee of livelihood. The reason you may have been treated poorly is because you had physiology that medicine had not found to be treatable yet. I respect you for fighting but quit treating medicine like it's math with one problem and one answer. It's literally never black and white and I doubt the doctors were trying to fuckin kill you.
👏👏👏👏
Good for you. Especially in the time of the plandemic, too many became who the weren’t and many were sacrificed for it. Glad you’re where you’re supposed to be! 👍❤️
Wow! I am glad you made it through and live to tell your story. Give God the glory. He had his hands on you as well.🙏🏽♥️♥️♥️🙏🏽
I worked as an RN for 30 years, now retired. Please folks, if nothing else, please give your family the greatest gift- take the legal steps to have your wishes known before you need to have someone make those decisions for you.
Please get a :
Power of attorney for health and financial decisions.
An Advance Directive and/or POLST.
I have seen families break up over members fighting among themselves regarding making final health decisions for their loved one.
Families are shielded from the actually cost of taking care of terminally ill patients, due to insurance coverage. When insurance does not cover long term care as custodial care, then the decisions that are made to prolong someone's life , do change , when the family or patient has to pay for the care out of pocket.
Please consider the quality of life, when making decisions for yourself or family members.
You are so correct.....create a trust....power of attorney and health directives
My heart broke when Norman said he was scared! May your soul rest in peace. They were so brave and so open. I pray for their souls to find peace! They really wanted to live they were clinging on... Such fighters.
As an ICU Nurse I’m still moved to tears by this. I could only wish more had advanced directives, and more people asked if we should rather than if we could….
My parents died within 3 months of each other in 2005. Both were open with me about advance directives and exactly what they wanted years before either were ill. Their wishes were followed. I've made my wishes known to my children and have an advance directive. I don't understand why people don't discuss these important things with family/friends. Death and dying isn't pretty and it's important to talk about.
Can't believe a family would be so greedy as to deny their family member their dying wishes.
Happens all the time. It's hard to see how selfish it is because they love them so much.
Is it greedy though? It's easy to label something an absolute, like "greedy"...when really, it's more complex than that. Cognitive distortions cause us to oversimplify complexities, to help us feel more certain...even if it's calling someone greedy, without fully understanding them. Cognitive distortions fill-in-the-blank about others, and create a narrative, that help us avoid zooming out, deeply introspecting, and using metacognition to help witness the other person, the situation, and our own feelings.
I worked ICU/PCU, and yes, it can be frustrating to deal with the ignorance, blindness, and barriers, that family members bring with them. However, it is important to deeply understand attachment theory, neuroscience, and all the interconnection and complexities of human relationships, and the very dysfunctional view of death most people have, and society perpetuates.
A person who can't let go, who appears "greedy" is coming face to face with beliefs systems, fears of abandoning the other, inability to accept reality...and more. There is unresolved issues often driving things too. The limbic system is often running the show. They are often in a non-logical, subconscious strategy, frame of mind. They are scrambling mentally.
It would be lovely if all people had balanced, healthy families, who respected each other, talked openly and honestly about death, their needs and wishes, and so forth...but that rarely is the case. Too often, we are dealing with unresolved traumas, betrayals, loss, unprocessed grief, and it is layered, multifaceted, and so on.
The psychology and neuroscience is so complex, a full thesis would barely scratch the surface.
@@Alphacentauri819 I only got to experience 6 yrs in Med/Surg and occasional Tele/ICU float as a 2nd career but your comment has exactly the ring of truth.
@@Alphacentauri819 Blah...... blah
@@joeblow5087 that's likely a response a toddler would have upon entering an upper level physics class in university... it's beyond their understanding, developmental level, or care. They have an excuse. What's yours?
I have worked with lots of hospice patient. I think the worst part is the suffering before death. I fear the suffering and prolong sickness. Therefore, it is very important to let go when time comes rather than hooking your life with machines and prolonging the suffering. The fact is, the death is just a crossing of threshold of eternity. Don’t prolong your suffering by being full code and getting resuscitation unnecessarily. The other side of the world is beautiful without suffering. Just cross the threshold when time comes. It makes you and your family comfortable.
I stayed with my mom thru her lung cancer . For 10 months I watched her slowly deteriorate and die. The last 3 months she got worse and it was happening fast. The chemo in the beginning was the most miserable for her. She laid sick for a week after every chemo . By the time she passed I honestly was relieved her suffering was over. That's the first time in my life losing someone I love .if I ever got terminal cancer I swear I'm doing heroin and waiting on that lethal dose rather than letting cancer eat my body until the end .
@@FriendlyDiscourse stfu and have some compassion.
@@FriendlyDiscourse Not everyone who gets lung cancer is a smoker bro. Be smarter and more compassionate next time.
@@FriendlyDiscourse wow. Empathy deficit much?
Lung cancer can occur for many reasons...it is a cognitive distortion for you to assume, jump to a conclusion.
Additionally, people like you, who don't inquire, think you know, and lack empathy...probably cause as much cancer as cigarettes. How? Being around people who are cruel, unfeeling, black/white thinkers, biased filters...often cause extraordinary stress on others. It's like having a caustic poisonous substance, drip, drip, on your skin.
I bet you're wholly unaware of your effect, a type of anosognosia.
Work on you. Guaranteed you are not perfect either.
Those who project such toxic blame are usually hiding mountains of shame...deal with your shame. That's cancerous.
@@FriendlyDiscourse my you're so ignorant..
@@FriendlyDiscourse a family member of mine died of lung cancer. Never smoked in her life, "bro".
In 2014, my husband died of blood cancer in a hospital, which was very difficult. Three months later, my father died of bone cancer in hospice at home where we could all be with him. Extremely grateful for the caring and sensitive medical personnel. It truly is a quality over quantity choice. Going through death with a loved one is difficult, yet an important experience.
My mother had a DNR on her records, and I made sure they followed it. It hurt like hell, but I knew it was the right thing to do, and her and I had talked about it several times at length. She was very comfortable with it. And I wanted to make sure that I honor her wishes right up until the end. And I did, on November 26, 2011, Thanksgiving day was the worst day of my life. But for her, it was her greatest
God Blessed your mother with you 🤗♥️🙏🏼
😢
I know that was hard. You have all the qualities of a good health care proxy and you gave her the greatest gift.
@@befriendingdeathz
I've been at the death of a few relatives including my own mother and father. At the time, it's some of the most horrible anguish you can imagine. The emotional pain is palpable. In the years since, I look back on those moments and am so very grateful. Grateful to have the chance to say goodbye. Grateful to comfort the dying in their hour of need. Ultimately and begrudgingly, thankful for the memories. They brought me into this world. I ushered them out. What a great honor.
Wish this had been my story. I was my dad's caregiver and friend for almost 8 years. Then covid hit and our worst fear came true: he was infected and died alone. Death wasn't the fear, it was not being there for each other that terrified us. No goodbye, no comfort. You gave your parents the most beautiful final gift. ❤
@@oopydoopie I'm so sorry that you weren't able to be with him. That makes losing him 100x harder. 💔
I feel the same way…was with both of my parents when they passed. What’s crazy is I was the only child out of 4 children to be there with them. Dad had lymphoma cancer and mom had Alzheimer’s; have learned I’m pretty tough and I wouldn’t trade being there for them when it really mattered🤍. Glad you were with yours also, it’s very heartbreaking.
I was with my late husband and my father during their passing. The worst part of life, death. It is very painful to watch your loved one suffer.
God bless the doctors who dedicate their lives to helping people.
Why on earth would you want someone you love to lie there and suffer like that, the way the lady dying of scleroderma was? That woman in the blue was just being cruel and selfish to insist that she be kept on all that life support especially when that was not what she wanted. That is clearly nothing but torture, and this woman is absolutely helpless in the face of the sheer selfishness of these others. They’re not considering her. They are concerned only with themselves! The woman is dying! Let her go and be at peace! Have the decency and the compassion to end her suffering!
People are inherently selfish and while they may not mean to harm their loved ones, it's hard for them to imagine life without them.
What's scleroderma never heard of it
God bless all folks in the medical field.
I worked in a hospital as an aide and sat with several patients at the end of life. Some of whom were kept alive, unconscious and on life support for (in my opinion) far too long by family. I have had to make this decision too, I know it is so painful and difficult to let someone go. Forever wouldn’t be long enough. However I’ve been there when patients tell me in secret, after their families leave that they only fight for their loved ones. They are in pain and are tired and fight for those they leave behind. People deserve to pass away in peace. Sometimes fighting only prolongs the pain and suffering. After what I have seen I’ve made it clear to my family that I want them to let me go. Please do not leave me half alive in a bed for years. I highly suggest everyone fill out a health care proxy or other legal document defining what treatment you want to receive if you should become critically I’ll.
As a retired ICU nurse, I couldn't agree with you more. I am healthy today, but I have signed a DNR for myself.
I'm finding myself struggling in filling one out because how do you know? By that I mean, what IF I were to state my feelings that I don't want to live unable to function and on a machine but at the same time, what if? Let's say I were critically ill and I had signed the above (saying don't let me live on a machine endlessly) and the person in charge shut the machines off on a Tuesday BUT, IF they'd waited just 2 more days, I'd have come out of it and lived another 10 years? Is it left up to just 1 doctor who sees you maybe 15 minutes a day or when about to turn things off, do they get second opinions? And one question asks about food and water? I thought hospitals automatically hydrate and nourish even on machines. Not correct? I think I'd want water but maybe not??
I worked in a nursing home for 12,in the laundry room I can't tell you how many times I sat with people when they were dying It was my honor,No one should ever die alone...
@@jeanniecosgrove9448 ❤❤
THIS 💯👍
As a former phlebotomist and a current nurse, I’ve seen this and you can see that the patient isn’t there anymore. There’s a point when it becomes existing and not living. My grandmother had a massive brain bleed my last semester of college. When my mom and grandfather made the decision to make her a DNR, I knew it was for the best. She was so full of life, a social butterfly, very cheerful and a light to many. The doctors told us if she recovered that she’d likely be in a nursing home until she died, unable to speak or walk or care for herself. We didn’t want that and knew she didn’t either. She lived for two weeks on hospice. She just stopped breathing one day. It’s been 23 years. I miss her, yes, but if she was here unable to care for herself and communicate, I knew that would kill us all. When the person you no longer knew is gone, when they are just a shell of themselves, it’s time to let go.
Hey 👋, how are you doing today; how's everything going! Hope it as been a bless day for you?
I feel this way regarding my dad. A week or two before hospice he seemed more distant, but only in retrospect. At the end, all that's left is a husk or a shell. The soul is long gone.
I understand what you are saying. It is a letting go of a loved one that I see often happens is a need to hold on to " their life" because of your own life experience. It is very difficult to let go, but it is often the most beautiful thing you can do to show your love!!
I totally agree
❤️
My husband died of AML. He had a transplant, he got better, suffered, declined, rallied……. But until the end he never allowed himself to give up. It’s been 13 years, and I miss him everyday…
Everybody must do what is good for you.
As a nurse for over 35 years, I can understand the medical professionals logic to the this topic however until terminal illness actually happened to my closest family member , I no longer felt in control of my medical knowledge and making logical decisions. It’s truly a different experience when you are part of this process on a personal level. I truly surprised myself and realized just how vulnerable we all are when these situations affect us or our family members.
Amen , I see all these nurses n doctors commenting but if you’ve not dealt with this personally n your own family you don’t have a damn clue
It depends I think. I’m not a medical professional but had had to support my family in very similar situations and we had always took the logical decisions. Our family also keeps open communication about their desires if they fell ill or they’re in an accident and how they want the rest of relatives to proceed when a hard decision is required
@@bukshot2daface232 - On the contrary, many doctors and nurses more clue than you can imagine. They are the ones that will take time to talk to a patient and/or a family about end of life decisions. Experiencing this event happening to an immediate family member does give one insight but a compassionate person can often empathize.
It's humbling isn't it? Sometimes there is a way that we as health care providers keep death at a distance from our personal life. We treat illness and death happens at work but death is everywhere and we also need to turn towards what is difficult.
I want to know what these doctors and nurses would say and feel if their children or spouses are dying. Will they follow the same logic?
Our mentality of keeping people alive at all costs needs to change.
if someone makes it clear they want to be gone as soon as they fall seriously ill, i feel like the most respectable and humane thing to do is do as they requested.
People are selfish. They can't let the person go. So they keep the shell
Doctors nowadays are businessman .
Take into consideration age and health or quality of their life . If they recover what’s their quality? It’s a hard decision, but when, still hard but if medical staff says odds are grim , time to go! Me personally if I cannot speak, if I’m not capable of recovering remove my machines
I agree..... that is not living and please believe that I would much rather be dead.
My mom passed away 3 years ago. She was in ICU for one week. We would often talk about if she was in the state of not being able to make the decision to live. She gave me directions on what to do. I followed her wishes. I am glad we had those conversations. RIP my dear mommy.
@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?
It’s so sad because they both (John and Debbie Maloney, have now passed away!) Debbie passed in August of 2022
Damn, what happened to her?
Never ever keep a loved one alive because YOU are not ready to lose them. This is THEIR life/death, NOT YOURS. 🙏
that is truly a hard pill to swallow with your only best friend. I think it really depends on the diesease and stuff.
Hello if you are in that situation it's really hard to decide.
@@nicolearroyo8770 not your choice to make. It’s hard to hear, but true.
What an informative documentary. My sister has terminal bone, kidney, and lung cancer. Watching this gives me information to prepare my own instructions in case I get cancer. It runs in our family so badly.
oh man i hope your sister finds a miracle
This should be mandatory viewing for everyone. What a powerful and insightful look at such a complicated issue and what is, at its core, the human condition.
The "we did this to him" about Norman and the "broken survivors" comment is haunting having been part of providing that care several times myself.
My father had untreatable liver cancer, doctors told us he either goes to ICU or goes home, our father had told us long back that he would never want to go to ICU and ventilator and we decided to take him home. After seeing this documentary I am glad we did not put him through this and signed DNR and DNI.
Brave families. Thank you for sharing the most vulnerable times with us. Praying for all of you.
I wonder what type of "MD" the daughter is. It's shocking that a physician who is aware of the risks and prognosis of prolonged, invasive interventions present would still take that chance, particularly on a patient who has severe dementia. This is horrifying.
Well I think in her case she’s not thinking as a doctor, she’s thinking as a family member..
she's thinking as a daughter, not a physician
I agree with you…living with advanced dementia is probably worse than death to be honest
I agree!!!!! Selfish!
I wondered the same. Even if we make allowances for her thinking as a daughter and not as a doctor, insisting on a tracheotomy for someone with dementia, choking on her own secretions, was seriously misguided. Horrifying indeed!
I’m 45 and have been fighting a tumor in my chest since twenty. My treatment days are over, yet the residual tumor is sitting on my nerve to my left arm, occasionally eating into it. I’m on increasing narcotics for pain, but when the pain is bad, it’s literally torture.
Don’t know how much time I have left, but am looking into euthanasia. I’m frightened but take it a day at a time. We all come to our ends. I just don’t want mine to be in immense suffering.
Hi Charles. I just read about you in your comment. I don't know what to say but I just wanted to say hello to you. My name is Anthony.
@@AnthonyConte-dt5st hi Anthony, thanks.
Hi Anthony my name is Regina i love you
hi regina. thank you for that@@reginalove6848
@@rekunta hi Charles. It's Anthony again. Thanks for responding to my comment.
I have made it clear to my family that I never want to be kept alive in such a state.
indeed if i gotta go let me be its my time ill just be like see u on the other side i guess i mean death is normal so its the circle of life live and die repeat maybe.
My grandfather was a chaplain for 35 years, and one of his more significant roles was often being bedside for sick and dying patients. It had enough of an impact on him that he knew he didn't want to die there, and when he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in his early 70s, he declined all intervention aside from comfort so he could spend his last few months at home. He passed away peacefully the day after Christmas, in his bed, surrounded by family.
I've been a nurse for over 10 years now, 6+ in ICU. My great-grandmother survived the 1918 pandemic as a nurse, and my mother worked as a nurse through the AIDS epidemic and the fear that brought. We all knew that a dignified death of our choosing was one of the best gifts we could have at the end of life, because medicine does terrible things to people in the name of simply keeping them alive. Absolutely terrible things.
@MissLilRedRooster - As an ICU nurse I agree with you completely. End of life for me is about quality, not quantity.
@MissLilRedRooster - Your family has certainly given a lot of themselves to their communities. Thank you all!
Beautiful
I remember when my nephew drowned and they had him on a ventilator for like a week until his heart stopped. I felt so guilty for being happy that he had transitioned because I didn’t want him to continue suffering. The doctor had said that he was brain dead but my my family wouldn’t let him go. It was so painful to watch. His little body just couldn’t take it anymore. I think about him everyday !! He was 16.
🙏🏼🌹🙏🏼
❤
My sweet Dad who was my everything passed in 2021. We were lucky to celebrate his 90th shortly before he passed. He adored my mom to the end, but realized he was more of a burden than a help. I never realized how much of my self esteem was because of this amazing man. I also never realized how traumatizing death can be. Prayers and love to everyone who has to go through these agonizing decisions.
Losing a parent is definitely devastating especially when it comes suddenly. It rocks your entire existence. My Dad passed away in 2015 of a sudden cardiac arrest. There's no way to even describe that pain. He shaped my entire personality. It's jarring that you only realize that AFTER you lose them.
I understand completely. My father was my best friend, he died when I was 9 and I've never really recovered. But a lot had to do with our dysfunctional family after his death.
This is a hard subject at 72 I think about this a lot. My thanks to Frontline and the producer of this documentary. It was a labor of love.
I’m a paramedic. I watched my dad die from cancer. I make sure I do everything in my power to keep them home and do a telemedicine call with a doctor. I also do everything in my power to keep them pain free and as comfortable as possible. Thank goodness the company I work for , we can give Fentanyl, morphine or Ketamine. It’s a blessing to meet these patients and their families.
You are so right! My desire if I get incurable cancer is I want to be No Vent! Give me morphine, a clean bed, lots of pillows, a cold drink, and music and just let me go. I’ve been on a vent before and I never ever wanna live that way.
I wish I could get pain coverage for my partner. She's in pain day and night and things don't look good. 😞
I watched my father die of cancer. My mother will altztimers . My father didn't last long. I took care of my mother for 8 years. By far the hardest thing I ever did. No one around to help me. But I do have God
@@madimoe8331SW CE CE
how do I approach a medical professional to see if they are amendable to strong pain meds? I have a progressive disease which has just taken a drastic turn for the worse, my doctors seem to think I'm drug seeking. I can't cope and need out.
It's kind of difficult to watch, but already lost my mother almost 9 years ago now I thank you for this documentary.
doctors express themselves with such grace they are so very articulate god bless these people
Yes, extraordinary human beings indeed.
It's such a privilege to contemplate our own deaths. But getting clued in by the generosity of these people and their families is truly special.